As a co-parent, I’m acutely aware that the holiday season is fast approaching. For some, this time of year offers a glimmer of hope, a chance to fill the voids left by the challenges of 2020. Yet for others, the holidays can be a poignant reminder of separation – no one wants to see their kids engaging in cherished traditions without them, and this year feels particularly heavy.
Navigating parenthood with an ex-partner can be demanding under normal circumstances. However, during a global pandemic, misalignment with our children’s other parent can amplify feelings of anxiety and helplessness. The holidays may heighten these emotions, presenting unique challenges for both parents and children who are trying to make sense of a world that’s been turned upside down.
If you were still together with your co-parent, the journey might feel less daunting, as you’d have a partner to share the load and vent your frustrations. But co-parenting during the holidays in a pandemic requires a certain strategy, and we’re here to provide some guidance.
I connected with Lisa Patterson, a Family Law Specialist, who offered invaluable insights for managing this holiday season as a single parent. It’s essential to acknowledge that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed or out of sorts. Allow yourself to experience your emotions—cry if you need to, indulge in some comfort food, and remember this doesn’t mean you’re abandoning the spirit of the season.
Patterson emphasizes the importance of setting aside differences and truly listening to your children. For them, the holidays are monumental, and it’s crucial to keep that in mind. One key suggestion is to start planning early, even if you might feel reluctant to think about it right now. Consider the long-term benefits of having a plan in place, which not only eases your burden but also enhances your child’s experience. “Just as children create their wish lists in advance, parents should initiate discussions early about holiday activities, celebrations, and gift-giving to prevent any last-minute conflicts.”
While communicating with your ex may feel uncomfortable, it’s beneficial for all involved. Keep discussions professional, use text or a mediator if necessary, and work together to lay out the details of the holiday season to avoid misunderstandings. In my own experience, my ex and I finalize our holiday plans before Halloween. This proactive approach allows us to enjoy the festivities and keeps the kids informed about what to expect.
Patterson also recommends discussing everything from family gatherings to travel plans, as this year presents unique circumstances. Once you’ve agreed on the schedule, consider using a shared calendar tool like iCal or Google Calendar. “These platforms can significantly improve communication and reduce scheduling errors,” she notes.
Avoiding conflict is vital, especially this year. Our children deserve a holiday that feels joyful and somewhat normal. Involve them in planning; asking for their input on activities can foster a sense of inclusion. For example, my family has a tradition of decorating the tree together while enjoying pizza, and I make sure to have festive pajamas ready for Christmas Eve. Keeping the lines of communication open with your ex ensures that your kids can celebrate their favorite traditions in both homes.
Don’t forget to prioritize self-care as a parent, particularly this year. Patterson suggests focusing on rest, maintaining a balanced diet, exercising, and nurturing a positive mindset to help co-parents stay invigorated during holiday celebrations, regardless of their scale. If your holiday schedule includes time away from your children, use that time to reconnect with friends and family.
Lastly, give yourself permission to take a break. Social media often portrays perfect holiday scenes, but the reality is far from it. Concentrate on the activities and traditions that genuinely bring joy to you and your children, and your holiday season will be memorable for everyone involved.
As we approach this holiday season, expect differences, and accept them. Communicate with your co-parent about what matters most to you, allowing you and your children to enjoy this time of year as fully as possible. It’s a gift worth giving to both yourself and your kids, because you truly deserve it.
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In summary, navigating the holiday season as a co-parent can be challenging but with early planning, effective communication, and a focus on your children’s happiness, you can create a joyful experience for everyone involved.
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