In the realm of love and relationships, the question “Do you believe in soulmates?” often finds its way to me. Perhaps it’s because I’m a therapist, or maybe it’s my 11-year marriage at the young age of 30 that prompts this inquiry. While neither of these situations qualifies me to delve into such profound topics, I can’t help but engage. It could be that I’m surrounded by hopeful romantics who dissect every relationship with fervor. Regardless of the reasons, I often grapple with the question, and for those curious, my answer is a resounding yes—I believe in soulmates, multiple soulmates, in fact.
This belief resonates with the middle-aged gentleman who shares his life story during a plane ride after we exchange glances and introductions. It’s also for the woman in the grocery store who opens up about her relationship struggles because, quite frankly, I’m just easy to talk to. It serves as my reply to the children who gaze up at me with wonder about love, untainted by the heartaches that often accompany it. And yes, it even extends to those who have faced loss, leaving them questioning their past and future: yes, I believe in soulmates, in abundance.
Soulmates come in various forms—romantic partners, friends, beloved pets (especially dogs, though cats don’t make the cut—sorry), careers, cherished places, family (both biological and chosen), and even passions. So when I’m asked, “Who is your soulmate?” I say, “Go find yourself some amazing soulmates, friends.”
Seek a romantic soulmate who will comfort you during your darkest moments, like when you’re mourning a loss that seems insurmountable. Look for friends who will drop everything to be by your side when life feels unbearable. Cultivate friendships with those who surprise you with thoughtful gifts, who will reach out day after day even when you’re too overwhelmed to respond. Find that friend who will hold space for you, laugh at your darkest humor, and help you navigate the heavy burdens of life.
Get yourself a sister-in-law soulmate who will accompany you to doctor appointments or cry with you during heartbreaking moments. Find in-laws who respect your need for solitude while still offering love and support. Seek a brother soulmate who will rush to your side during emergencies, staying up all night just to ensure you’re okay. Connect with a mother soulmate who understands your pain deeply and knows how to comfort you in the ways you need, even when words fail.
And don’t forget about a father soulmate who checks in on you consistently and shares in your joys and sorrows through shared interests.
If you’ve made it this far, you’ve learned a lot about me: I’ve faced significant challenges, but I’ve also been surrounded by love. However, none of this makes me unique; life can be incredibly difficult, and the struggles are universal. They affect everyone you meet, whether on a plane or in a grocery store.
In response to the soulmate question, I’d say life is a beautiful mess, filled with inexplicable events and unbearable pain, yet somehow we endure. When the weight of finding that one perfect soulmate feels heavy, remember your tribe—your warriors who may not have it all figured out, but still show up to love you fiercely.
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