When did you first encounter criticism regarding your clothing? Was it during your childhood when someone urged you to “cover up”? Perhaps it was in school when you were told your shorts were “too short”? Or as a teenager when your skirt length led to comments about you “asking for it”? If you’re a woman, you’ve likely faced these judgments, and the implications can be damaging. This is why one Portland mother staunchly refuses to impose modesty rules on her daughters.
Jessica, a popular blogger and mother of six daughters, has a lot to say about the harmful effects of shaming girls for their clothing choices. Through her family blog, she recently shared a compelling post that has resonated widely, highlighting her stance against teaching her daughters to dress modestly. Her message is clear: “Modesty is subjective, and true modesty is about attitude and heart.” She argues that enforcing modesty standards often leads to control rather than empowerment, undermining the important principle of bodily autonomy.
Jessica emphasizes that the idea of what constitutes modesty varies greatly across cultures, religions, and even generations. What may seem modest to one person could be deemed inappropriate by another. To illustrate her point, she shared a photo of herself in a dress that some might consider modest while others would not. “Some would be fine with my daughter’s blue skirt, while others would object to her crop top and shorts,” she notes, showcasing the diversity of opinions on this topic.
In today’s society, many parents are striving to raise children—both girls and boys—who appreciate their bodies for their capabilities rather than their appearance. Jessica encourages her daughters to express themselves freely, while still adhering to the dress code at school. She asks them to consider six practical questions when deciding what to wear, which focus on comfort, suitability for the weather, and respect for the setting, rather than arbitrary societal standards.
Jessica also opens up about her personal experiences, revealing how the shame surrounding clothing choices can have lasting impacts. She recounts a traumatic experience from her teenage years where she felt guilty about her appearance after being assaulted. “I thought if only I hadn’t worn that outfit, maybe it wouldn’t have happened,” she reflects. This kind of thinking perpetuates harmful narratives that suggest certain clothing invites unwanted attention, a mindset that is fundamentally flawed.
Her commitment to respecting her daughters’ autonomy and individuality is unwavering. “We will not undermine their autonomy and will show them the respect they deserve based on who they are, not what they wear.” This perspective is essential in empowering young women to make their own choices and to understand that their worth is not tied to their appearance.
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In summary, this Portland mom is challenging traditional norms around modesty, advocating for body positivity and self-expression in her daughters. By focusing on individual comfort and respect rather than imposing outdated standards, she aims to foster a generation of confident young women.