Recently, I lost my dear grandfather, who was 96 years old and had been living in a care facility for several years. His obituary requested that social distancing and safety measures be observed, especially for those at risk. Knowing my family, however, we anticipated that they wouldn’t adhere to these guidelines. Thus, out of concern for COVID-19, we decided not to attend his funeral.
This passing wasn’t sudden. My grandfather had been dealing with mild dementia and was reliant on a walker, which he disliked. The pandemic had put a halt to family visits, and he rarely used his phone, making it challenging for us to connect. While we missed him dearly, it had been a long time since we last saw him.
They Claim They Want Safety, But…
When the pandemic began, my husband analyzed the situation and realized we were in for a prolonged crisis. We offered for my mother to stay with us, but she declined. During a brief visit when she brought us soup, I was taken aback by her dismissive attitude toward basic COVID-19 precautions. She later misled us about her interactions with friends, neglecting to mention that she had been mingling with family regularly under the guise of strict isolation.
When my husband confronted her about these safety breaches, she reacted angrily, despite his calm demeanor and gentle suggestions to stay quarantined. All we wanted was to reconnect via Zoom with our kids. Since then, we haven’t seen her; our attempts to help her move or engage through video calls have gone unanswered. However, social media showed her enjoying beach outings with friends, completely disregarding safety measures.
At My Grandfather’s Funeral…
I genuinely doubted that any safety protocols would be followed at the funeral. There would undoubtedly be hugging and close interactions, with many attendees likely neglecting masks or wearing them improperly. I often find myself chastising strangers in stores for getting too close, but confronting long-time family friends about social distancing felt impossible.
COVID-19 Safety Concerns in Church
My grandfather, being Catholic, meant the funeral would include a Mass with Holy Communion. The idea of a single priest distributing Communion, touching multiple hands, is enough to give anyone pause. You’d have to remove your mask to receive Communion, directly contradicting safety protocols. Experts, like Emory University’s Carlos del Rio, have noted that churches can be hotbeds for virus transmission due to close quarters and communal singing, which is prevalent in Catholic services.
Challenges with Social Distancing at Funerals
Funerals often involve several lines: to pay respects, at the refreshment table, and the receiving line where condolences are exchanged. None of these interactions would adhere to COVID-19 safety guidelines. It would be impossible to maintain safe distances, especially when it comes to the communion line or when faced with individuals who might be too close for comfort.
The Dilemma of Hugging
COVID-19 safety clearly doesn’t allow for hugging, yet I could feel the societal pressure to embrace family friends who had known my grandfather. The guilt would loom large, especially when surrounded by family members who viewed my caution as an overreaction to the pandemic.
Ultimately, We Didn’t Attend the Funeral
So, the grandfather whom I cherished dearly passed away, and we chose not to go to his funeral. My mother might think I’m exaggerating since I hadn’t seen him in a while, but I have my reasons for that. She likely views my commitment to safety as excessive. The hardest part is thinking they might have adhered to safety protocols, but we couldn’t take the chance. The virus continues to spread rapidly, and both my husband and I are at high risk. I regretted missing the funeral, but my priority had to be our health.
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