This year has been a whirlwind of emotions: panic, anxiety, confusion, guilt, frustration, hopelessness, and sheer exhaustion. As a working mom and doctoral student juggling three young kids in the midst of a pandemic, these feelings are not uncommon. Recently, however, I’ve encountered a new emotion tied to COVID-19: shame. A profound shame, akin to the feeling of being caught cheating or sneaking candy. The source of this shame? Throwing a birthday party for my 6-year-old son.
My son, Alex, is the middle child—sweet, responsible, and the glue that holds our family together amidst the chaos created by his older brother, who has ADHD, and his younger sister. Often overshadowed by the attention given to his siblings, Alex’s birthday party was canceled last year, so we promised him a celebration this year.
Initially, it seemed impossible due to the pandemic. However, as summer rolled around, COVID-19 cases in our area began to decline. I diligently monitored the county’s statistics, noting the low positivity rate, and with in-person schooling resuming, I felt we could finally host Alex’s party safely. As a public health professional, I believed I could navigate the challenges of organizing a safe gathering.
We arranged the party at a spacious gym equipped with obstacle courses. The invitation reassured parents about our safety measures, emphasizing that attendance was a personal choice. We rented the entire facility, ensuring all equipment was sanitized beforehand. Upon arrival, guests underwent temperature checks, used hand sanitizer, and wore masks. Instead of food, we distributed pre-packaged cookies as kids left. For drinks, water and juice boxes were provided, and the children were spaced out at tables when they briefly removed their masks to hydrate. The party was a joyous success.
Yet, just four days later, I received a call from the Department of Health informing me that a child who attended the party had tested positive for COVID-19. Subsequently, the school contacted all attendees, mandating a 14-day quarantine as a precautionary measure. The staff member who reached out scolded parents for attending “dangerous community gatherings.”
This experience has left me grappling with guilt and shame. I question whether my choices were justified, wondering if I made a mistake. It’s a complex situation, as everyone who left their homes took some degree of risk. How can we foster connections for our kids without exposing them to danger? The struggle to balance safety with social interaction feels overwhelming.
I’ve learned several important lessons throughout this ordeal that I hope can resonate with other parents facing similar dilemmas.
1. Words Matter.
During my conversation with the school staff member, I emphasized how crucial it is to choose our words carefully. Her remarks likely instilled feelings of shame and fear in the parents. We must model compassion for our children, helping them understand the situation rather than assigning blame.
2. We Are All Doing Our Best.
After sharing my experience with family, a sister questioned my anger toward the parents of the sick child. Initially, I felt frustration, but that soon transitioned to worry for the child and their family. Recognizing that everyone is navigating these challenges can help foster empathy in our responses.
3. You Are Not Alone.
Many parents are facing the same struggles, making tough decisions daily to keep their children safe. Remembering that we are not alone in this journey can provide comfort. Seeking connection with others can alleviate some anxiety and shame, as we collectively grapple with the tension between risk and allowing our children to enjoy their childhood.
For more insights on navigating parenthood during these trying times, check out this related blog post here. Additionally, for those considering various family planning options, Make a Mom offers expert advice on at-home insemination kits. For further resources on pregnancy, visit Womens Health.
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In summary, navigating the complexities of parenthood during a pandemic can evoke a myriad of emotions, including shame and guilt over our choices. By practicing empathy, choosing our words wisely, and recognizing that we are not alone in this struggle, we can foster better environments for our children while managing the delicate balance of risk and normalcy.
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