For years, my kids have had their playful debates about who holds the top spot in my heart. One day, my daughter is convinced her brother is the favorite, and the next, he’s buried in pillows, certain that I adore his sister more. I’ve always reassured them: my love for them is equal. They each have their unique strengths, and I cherish those, but in matters of love, they both occupy a significant part of my heart.
That’s why, on a bright afternoon during quarantine, after they had spent hours playing in the backyard while I worked a few feet away on my computer, I was expecting the usual requests for snacks or screen time. Instead, they hit me with a comment that sent a jolt of mom guilt deep into my core: “You love your computer more than you love us.”
Ouch.
I turned away from my screen, filled with multiple documents and a barrage of tabs, and insisted, “No, I love you both more than my computer.”
“But you’re always on it,” they countered. “You’re not playing with us. You’re always working.”
Another painful jab. I assured them they were my everything, but after that initial guilt trip, they quickly shifted gears to their usual requests. Once they were back inside, I found myself staring at my now-darkened screen.
Of course, I don’t prioritize my computer over my children. Yet, I can see how it might feel that way to them. Before the pandemic, I wrote during school hours, using my computer time when they were busy with their friends and teachers. Now, my computer time comes only after they finish their schoolwork, which means instead of engaging with them, I’m often glued to my laptop.
Part of this is unavoidable; I’ve had to add “homeschooling” to my already overflowing schedule. But let’s be real—I’ve also buried myself in work by taking on extra freelance projects, not out of love for my computer, but as a desperate measure to carve out a break from my relentless “mom” responsibilities.
With no partner to share the load, I’m navigating this pandemic solo with two kids who are struggling with their own challenges—missing friends, sports, and normalcy. They need my full attention, but I can’t wear my “mom” hat continuously without a breather. It becomes too heavy. Yet, taking a break feels wrong when their world is so uncertain.
So, I’ve been oscillating between my “mom” hat and my “writer” hat, convincing myself that it’s beneficial for them to see me working hard. But when they said, “you love your computer more than us,” that resonated painfully.
Perhaps I made a mistake by switching hats so quickly. Instead of replacing my “mom” hat with my “writer” hat when it became burdensome, I should have been honest with my kids about needing a break. Instead of always doing, maybe I should have normalized just being present with them, helping them understand the value of downtime.
So, I set aside my “writer” hat and joined my kids with their snacks and screens. Or perhaps, they were clever enough to know exactly what to say to coax me into that decision!
To explore more about managing family dynamics during challenging times, check out this insightful post about balancing work and home life. For additional resources, you can visit Women’s Health, which offers valuable information on various topics, or check out Make a Mom for expert advice on navigating your fertility journey.
Summary:
Navigating parenthood during a pandemic brings unique challenges, particularly when balancing work and family life. The author reflects on a moment when her children expressed feeling overshadowed by her computer work, prompting a reconsideration of how to manage time and attention. By acknowledging the need for breaks and being present, the author learns to better balance her roles as a mom and a writer.
Keyphrase: balancing work and family during a pandemic
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]