When confronted with danger, our instincts kick in, and we often think of the classic fight or flight reactions. The primal parts of our brain either gear up to challenge the threat or choose to evade it completely. However, it turns out that there are two additional responses that play crucial roles in our survival: freeze and fawn. Reflecting on these responses has helped me understand their significance during challenging times, including my partner’s difficult struggle with an aggressive health condition. Each of the four responses surfaced, and each served as a protective mechanism in the face of overwhelming danger.
Fight
The “fight” response is quite easy to visualize; it’s akin to a warrior preparing to confront a ferocious beast. It’s the firefighter charging into a blaze to rescue those trapped inside. For me, it manifested as a determined presence in the hospital, armed with hope and a fierce resolve. I relentlessly pursued answers from the medical professionals, even when I knew my actions were irrational or that many others faced similar battles. Facing an unseen enemy, I fought against despair, wielding stubbornness as my weapon in search of a miracle cure.
Flight
Then there’s the flight response—an instinctual urge to escape the threat at all costs. This can often be misconstrued as cowardice, but fleeing can require immense courage. Sometimes, the act of running away signifies a profound strength. While I couldn’t physically run from my situation, I found myself overcommitting to other tasks, creating a busy life to distract from the looming fear that my partner might succumb to this illness. In some ways, this metaphorical flight provided a temporary reprieve from the stress of reality.
Freeze
The freeze response involves a state of immobility, often akin to playing dead or emotionally dissociating from the threat. I experienced this vividly after my partner passed away; there was no enemy to confront nor any place to flee. The emotional turmoil enveloped me, and I felt paralyzed. I disconnected from the pain, going numb in the days following that tragic moment. Tears flowed, but they felt like someone else’s. The downside of freezing, however, is that eventually, the numbness fades, and when it does, the pain can resurface with full force.
Fawn
Finally, we arrive at the fawning response, which is perhaps the least recognized. As coined by therapist Peter Walker, fawning involves seeking safety by conforming to the needs and desires of others, often at the expense of one’s own needs. In nature, this might look like attempting to befriend a predator instead of fleeing. In modern life, it manifests as people-pleasing behaviors, such as saying “yes” when you really want to say “no.” This response became my default during my partner’s illness; I sought connection and approval from the healthcare team, wanting to be well-liked and appreciated despite my internal struggles. At the memorial, I stood surrounded by well-wishers, desperately wanting to collapse but feeling the pressure to maintain composure.
Each of these trauma responses—fight, flight, freeze, and fawn—form integral parts of our survival instinct, activated by our autonomic nervous system. None of these responses are superior to another. Rather, they each have their own purpose and significance. What’s crucial is recognizing if you become entrenched in any one of these responses, as it can hinder your quality of life. If you find yourself stuck, seeking help is essential, and remember to extend compassion and grace to yourself during these tough times.
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Summary
Understanding the four trauma responses—fight, flight, freeze, and fawn—can provide insight into how we cope with danger and stress. Each response plays a significant role in self-preservation, and recognizing these can lead to better self-awareness and healing.
Keyphrase: Trauma responses
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