As I sit here typing, my son, who’s eight, is snuggled up beside me on the couch. He has a habit of weaving his fingers through my hair whenever we watch TV together. During our family walks, he stays glued to my side, and if we encounter someone from a safe distance, he instinctively presses against me, as if trying to eliminate any gap between us.
My son has always been a bit clingy, a fact well-known among our family and friends. If I’m around, he’s usually right there with me—on my lap, his face inches from mine. This behavior intensified after the passing of his father, my husband, and has only escalated since the World Health Organization declared COVID-19 a pandemic, leading us to hunker down in our home. His need for closeness has reached levels reminiscent of his toddler years.
Before the pandemic struck, he had been gradually learning to assert his independence. He had started to enjoy sleepovers at friends’ houses and would often run off to play while I chatted with other moms. Occasionally, he’d even act cool around his friends, barely acknowledging my presence after school as he dashed off to join them, seemingly forgetting the times he’d had my hair wrapped around his little fingers. While it was bittersweet to lose some of that closeness, I was proud to see him gaining confidence.
However, after what feels like an eternity in quarantine, he’s reverted to being my little shadow. His fingers still find their way into my hair, and he has taken to sleeping with my favorite sweatshirt as a makeshift security blanket—our only compromise to prevent him from climbing into my bed every night. He is always “here,” which, at the moment, means wherever I am.
In a conversation with Healthline, Dr. Mark Anderson, a child psychologist, explained that clinginess often arises from perceived threats and anxiety. Children instinctively seek closeness to their caregivers for safety, especially during unsettling times like these. Many kids are grappling with similar feelings as their worlds have been completely disrupted, leading them to seek out sources of comfort. The messages they receive—stay home, avoid contact with others—have reinforced this need for closeness.
While I cherish being his safe haven, it can be overwhelming to be his constant source of comfort. Even the most devoted parents need moments of solitude to recharge. I also worry that his growing dependence might hinder his ability to build independence. It’s essential for him to feel secure enough to navigate the world without my presence looming over him.
Eventually, life will return to some semblance of normalcy. There will once again be sleepovers and playgrounds bustling with friends. I worry that he might struggle to separate from me when that time comes, unsure if he remembers how to be independent. I can’t promise I’ll always be there—fate is unpredictable, and I prefer not to make promises I might not be able to keep.
This deep-rooted clinginess stems from his experiences; he has learned that people can be there one moment and gone the next. While the pandemic hasn’t taken people away entirely—thanks to technology—they’ve shifted to virtual interactions. Nonetheless, the underlying lesson remains: life is unpredictable, and it’s no wonder he wants to hold onto me tightly, both physically and emotionally. I’ve been his constant since before he took his first breath, a role I take seriously even as I acknowledge that it might not be a forever guarantee.
Still, there’s a glimmer of hope. He has found his independence after facing trauma before. When his dad passed and I became his sole parent, he was a constant weight on my hip, yet he eventually found the courage to separate on his own when he was ready. He learned to trust that I would be there when he came back, whether it was after a game of hide-and-seek or a sleepover.
So maybe it’s okay if he needs a little extra closeness right now. When he feels secure again, he will find the strength to lift his chin, steady his little jaw, take a breath, and step out into the world once more.
For more on parenting amidst these challenges, check out our other posts at Home Insemination Kit. Also, if you’re curious about the science of insemination, visit Cryobaby’s At Home Insemination Kit and WebMD’s guide on IUI success for trustworthy information.
Summary:
The pandemic has intensified my son’s clingy behavior, reversing his gradual progress toward independence. While I appreciate being his source of comfort, I worry about his ability to separate from me once life returns to normal. Nonetheless, I remind myself that he has found independence before, and when he’s ready, he will navigate the world on his own terms again.
Keyphrase: clingy child during pandemic
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