The other day, as I found myself frantically urging my kids to switch off their devices and engage in something productive, I stumbled upon a fascinating video on Facebook. It featured a honey bee that had inadvertently fallen into a sticky mess and was covered in honey.
When the beekeeper gently placed the bee at the entrance of the hive, the other worker bees sprang into action. They immediately began to clean their friend, each taking a part to restore her to health. One focused on the face, while others attended to the wings and body until the bee was fit to fly again. As someone who has never been the most coordinated, I found this tale of the honey bees’ teamwork to be a brilliant metaphor for the friendships we should all strive for. This sparked a long reading session about these intriguing creatures.
It seems honey bees are not the most democratic; rather, they are quite subservient to their queen bee. Surprisingly, the queen rises to her position without any qualifications or a resume, and she quickly establishes her rule through her pheromones, which incidentally render the worker bees infertile. Once her influence wanes, they discard her and select a new queen. I’ve encountered a few “honey bee” friends over the years—definitely not the type of companionship one hopes for.
It’s essential to understand that not everyone will be right for you, just as you may not be right for everyone else. This realization took me some time to accept, but it has proven to be a vital lesson.
Shouting up to my kids to avoid wasting time on screens, I delved into further research on the social dynamics in the animal kingdom and came across my new metaphorical crew—the elephants.
Elephant herds are predominantly female and led by a matriarch, who earns her position through respect and wisdom rather than random chance. Each matriarch demonstrates her ability to make sound decisions consistently. Like any outstanding leader, she welcomes input from all herd members, even the youngest. Each elephant brings its own unique traits to the table, contributing to the safety and success of the group. They collaborate to defend against threats, care for young calves, and support each other through hardship. Elephants even grieve for lost companions and can recognize one another after long separations.
Strong friendships are invaluable, and my own “parade” of friends mirrors the diversity and strength found in an elephant herd. Some are family, others share names with me, and many are enduring friendships that remain resilient over time. One friend even participated in a drive-thru confession during quarantine—if I ever need to plead my case at the pearly gates, I’ll be sure to mention her: “Excuse me, God, could you check that list again? SH took part in a drive-thru confession.” Though I’ve never tried confession myself, if it’s anything like ordering a cheeseburger, I might just consider it.
My friends are as distinct as day is from night, yet they complement each other beautifully. I’ve always believed that everyone has a unique gift to share with the world, and sometimes it takes time and trust for those gifts to emerge. Just as it takes time for an elephant matriarch to prove her leadership, the same holds true for our friendships.
It’s often said everyone has friends for different life stages, but only the fortunate maintain friendships through them all. Among my circle, one stands out for having spent more time on the inside than outside. We may have even shared experiences reminiscent of those honey bees, navigating life together. Though I wasn’t blessed with a biological sister, I gained a “soul sister” instead.
My soul sister and I excel at making inappropriate jokes during awkward moments, and we both know the pain that often lies beneath our humor. She embodies the ideal friend—someone who stands by you during the sunrise and remains even after sunset. Sharing struggles is one of the most selfless acts of friendship, and finding someone who can also make you laugh through those moments is a bond worth cherishing.
Wherever life leads you, seek out your own parade. Surround yourself with individuals ready to protect you, support you, and bring laughter into your tough times. If you’re fortunate enough to find a kindred spirit, hold onto them dearly, especially if they step in to help without needing explanations.
And for the love of everything, steer clear of those honey bees.