Dear Kids,
I never imagined we’d find ourselves in a situation like this. Yet here we are, and I sincerely regret that things aren’t as they once were.
I wish I had been better prepared for this unforeseen turn of events. I didn’t have a plan ready for how we would spend months confined at home, away from school, activities, and the playdates that used to fill our days. We’re doing our best with daily Amazon Prime deliveries and a bit too much screen time. While you might appreciate some of this, I’m truly sorry that I can’t provide you with more enriching experiences.
I find myself struggling to answer the many questions you have. As your mom, it pains me that I can’t provide clarity on everything you’re curious about. Some of your questions are beyond my ability to explain, especially at your tender age, and others I simply don’t know the answers to myself.
It breaks my heart that you’re unable to spend time with your friends at school, and that your only interactions with peers occur through a computer screen. I recognize that I haven’t been effective in facilitating these connections for you. My social media is filled with images of your friends having virtual playdates and Zoom lunches, all looking so enjoyable. In contrast, our attempts seem to fall short, and I regret that I haven’t pushed harder to make this happen.
Even though I’m working from home and physically present, I can’t always engage with you. It used to be that my being home meant our time together, but now, I’m often locked away in a room, tending to my clients. Hearing your laughter from another part of the house is bittersweet. When you call for me or ask if I’m done working, it shatters my heart, and I find myself avoiding you to prevent those moments of disappointment.
I feel immense guilt for not being the parent I aspire to be. While I’ve always had some reservations about my parenting, they’ve intensified during this pandemic. My patience is wearing thin, and I frequently let my anxiety spill over onto you and your father, and for that, I am truly sorry.
I regret having to tell you not to hug your father when he returns from grocery shopping. I can only imagine how confusing this is for your little minds, especially when your excitement to greet him has always brought joy to our home. Now, I fear that a simple hug could put you at risk.
It pains me to see you unable to hug your grandparents. We’ve spent years encouraging closeness with them, and suddenly, we have to enforce distance. It’s contradictory and bewildering for you. We’ve tried to maintain some connection through FaceTime and socially-distanced visits, but I know that doesn’t replace the warmth of a real hug.
Above all, I’m sorry for feeling sorry. I understand that much of this situation is beyond my control, and we’re all navigating this together. I know we’re fortunate compared to many others, and I want to focus on the positives of this unexpected time together. But some days, that feels incredibly difficult.
For more insights on navigating these challenging times, you can check out this other blog post.
In conclusion, I hope we can find our way through this together, learning and growing as a family despite the hurdles.