A few weeks ago, I jokingly shared on social media that instead of calling it homeschooling, we should refer to it as “yell-school.” The stress levels are through the roof, and trying to educate our kids amid a pandemic is not exactly conducive to a calm atmosphere. Unsurprisingly, a well-meaning commenter advised me to keep my stress hidden from my children. But guess what? A recent study suggests that concealing our stress from kids is actually counterproductive—so take that, commenter!
We’ve all heard the saying “not in front of the kids,” right? Researchers at the University of Washington decided to put that notion to the test. They studied 109 parents and their children in San Francisco, with a balanced mix of mothers and fathers. Parents were given a stressful task—public speaking with negative audience feedback—followed by a LEGO activity with their kids. Some were instructed to suppress their feelings, while others were told to act naturally.
The findings? The parents who tried to hide their stress were less engaged during the LEGO activity, providing less guidance. Interestingly, the children mirrored these behaviors, being less responsive and positive. It turns out, kids are incredibly perceptive and can sense when something is off. We can all recall moments from our childhood when we sensed something was wrong, even if we weren’t being told directly. As it turns out, we may be doing the same to our kids today, and they notice.
Researchers recommend a different approach. While we shouldn’t burden our children with adult problems, it’s perfectly okay to let them know when we’re feeling stressed. Dr. Mia Anderson, a developmental psychologist, explains that children pick up on emotional cues from their parents. When parents act as if everything is normal while hiding their emotions, it creates confusion for kids. Instead of stifling our feelings, we should demonstrate healthy conflict resolution.
I get it—healthy conflict sounds ironic, especially when it feels anything but healthy in the moment. But there are constructive ways to discuss stress with our children. As we navigate life during the pandemic, we are juggling home-schooling, work (or the lack thereof), and the challenges of social distancing, all while trying to keep our families safe. That’s enough to make anyone feel overwhelmed.
In fact, Dr. Lucy Thompson, a child development expert, emphasizes that bottling up emotions doesn’t eliminate them; they manifest in our behavior, often resulting in irritability or outbursts. I think that perfectly captures how I’ve been handling my stress lately.
It’s essential to give ourselves grace. Concealing our stress only exacerbates the situation for us and our children. Instead, we should communicate openly about our feelings in an age-appropriate manner. This transparency is healthier than being vague, which can lead children to imagine worst-case scenarios and increase their anxiety. Dr. Emma Rodriguez advises, “Acknowledge your feelings and your child’s feelings. Kids are equipped to navigate emotions; allowing yourself permission to feel opens the door to better problem-solving.”
Ultimately, we are setting an example for our kids in how to handle stress. By modeling open and honest communication about emotions, we teach them how to cope with their own feelings in the future. In this time of upheaval, it’s a perfect opportunity to demonstrate how to manage stress effectively. While the current stress may be temporary, the coping skills we instill in our children will last a lifetime.
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In summary, it’s vital to let our children see us navigate stress. This openness not only fosters a deeper connection but also equips them with vital emotional skills that will benefit them throughout their lives.
Keyphrase: Kids and Stress Management
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