Have you ever been deeply engaged in sports or had a consistent workout routine? Perhaps you frequented a boot camp every morning or jogged several miles multiple times a week. Then, life threw you a curveball, and that routine was interrupted for a while. Maybe a sprained ankle sidelined you for six weeks, or perhaps you took a nine-month break to embrace motherhood.
Regardless of the reason, returning to your previous level of fitness is often the toughest part. Not only is it physically demanding, but it can also be emotionally draining. You might remember breezing through a mile, only to find yourself gasping for breath after just a short distance. The squats that once felt effortless now leave your legs trembling, and the weights you used to lift with ease now seem impossibly heavy.
For me, this encapsulates the experience of motherhood during the pandemic. It’s hard to reconcile your past abilities with your current struggles, especially when you feel like you’re falling short.
As a creative mom with a two-year-old and a husband who used to travel frequently for work, my daughter and I thrived on our adventures. We explored new places, engaged in craft projects, and baked delicious treats together. As a solo parent for days on end, I developed patience and resilience, knowing I had to handle everything on my own.
However, the coronavirus has transformed my parenting experience. As a freelance writer, I watched helplessly as I lost every job, a stark contrast to having been employed consistently since I was a teenager. My husband is now home full-time, temporarily out of work, and my daughter is also home as her daycare remains closed. We miss our community, the playdates with friends, and the playgrounds that provided joy and distraction.
It’s overwhelming. I adore my child, but I was never meant to be a stay-at-home mom round the clock. Even my friends, who typically revel in the SAHM role, are feeling the strain. I find myself feeling impatient, anxious, and protective. I’m human.
What stings the most is the contrast between the mom I used to be and who I am now. I remember running those miles and powering through those squats. Today, I struggle just to get through breakfast without tears or frustration. In the early days of quarantine, I felt like I was on top of the world. I organized a neighborhood scavenger hunt, painted pictures for family, and juggled two jobs like a pro. Now, just over a month later, we’re two hours into a Daniel Tiger marathon, and I’m desperately sending out résumés while trying to figure out dinner.
Yesterday, I faced a meltdown when my toddler suddenly decided she no longer likes yogurt, and I caved and gave her a box of Cheez-Its. I know this phase is temporary, but I want her to eat healthier and engage in more educational play. I battle with myself, forgive myself, and then chastise myself again.
I came across a quote on Instagram that resonated with me: “You’re only unproductive by the standards of the world we lived in two months ago.” This is not the world we live in today.
These words ring true, even if our current reality feels temporary. We’re all doing our best, even if it feels like our best falls short of what it used to be. Are you still getting out of bed each day? Is your child being cared for and loved? Even if today you’re not whipping up homemade applesauce or engaging in elaborate activities, simply lifting a can of beans as a makeshift weight is still a form of strength. Giving your child a hug or kicking a ball around the yard counts too.
Measure your success by what you can accomplish in the present moment. You’re still doing an incredible job, even if it doesn’t feel like it, and one day, things will get back to normal.
For more insights on navigating motherhood, check out this post on home insemination. If you’re on a fertility journey, Make a Mom is a great resource, and for those interested in treatments, Parents offers excellent guidance on what to expect during your first IUI.
In summary, the challenges of today don’t define your worth or abilities. Embrace where you are now, and give yourself grace. You’re stronger than you think.