One of the most significant challenges of my childhood was that both sets of my grandparents lived in different states, each over 1,000 miles away. Reflecting on that time, it amazes me how, even before the days of email and video calls, I managed to maintain meaningful relationships with them that shaped who I am today. I remember eagerly waiting until after 7 p.m. to call, as that was when long-distance rates were lower, always mindful of the time zone differences. I cherished those conversations with my grandma, just as she cherished them with me.
Now that all my grandparents have passed away, I deeply miss those connections. I often ponder what it would be like to have their wisdom and support as an adult and a parent. I think to myself, if only Grandma could see me now!
Fortunately, I still engage with many grandparents, although they are not my own. As a geriatric psychotherapist, I provide counseling to older adults in their homes. Common issues I encounter include social isolation, depression, and anxiety, which seem to loom over this demographic. It’s a sobering look at what we might face in our later years.
In my practice, I frequently ask my clients about their grandchildren and the quality of their relationships. While some enjoy loving connections, an alarming number do not. Their grandkids might live just down the street, yet they feel as distant as if they were thousands of miles away.
There are various reasons for the disconnect between grandparents and their families, but I can’t help but wonder if, as parents, we are failing to nurture these essential relationships. I’m not merely suggesting that we invite grandparents to watch their grandkids participate in a sports game or a school performance; true connection goes beyond just observation.
I often think about what I would have missed if my parents hadn’t encouraged those long-distance calls or taught me how to send handwritten letters with actual postage. During summers spent with my grandma, I never wanted those moments to end. We would enjoy strawberry shortcake for dinner, I’d participate in local summer reading programs, help her tackle crossword puzzles each night, and I’d even try to persuade her to move closer to me.
Looking back, I realize that our bond remained strong even in her 90s. She was always relevant in my life, and I believe that our connection contributed to that. The time we spent together over 29 years allowed us to truly know one another, not just through significant events but also through our regular interactions, whether in person or over the phone. She understood me as a person, and I got to see her as a dynamic individual, not just an elderly woman.
Today, we have a wealth of tools at our disposal and fewer excuses to help our children and our parents build meaningful relationships. Unfortunately, society tends to segregate age groups, leading to less interaction across generations. This separation robs us of the opportunity to learn from one another and share valuable experiences. One of my greatest joys was being known as “Mimi’s granddaughter,” and I want my children to experience that same closeness with my parents. It enriches everyone’s lives, fostering a sense of community and understanding.
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In summary, the bonds we create with our grandparents can profoundly impact our lives and the lives of our children. It’s essential to prioritize these relationships, as they foster mutual growth and understanding across generations.