Making friends as an adult can be incredibly challenging. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if forming connections were as simple as it was during childhood? Picture this: two women at a park, complimenting each other’s shoes, instantly becoming best friends for the afternoon until they part ways with a warm hug, thrilled to have shared a moment together.
Unfortunately, adult friendships are often far more complicated, leaving many of us exhausted in our search for genuine connections. Putting yourself out there is tough, and discerning authentic friendships from superficial ones is even harder. As I navigate through adulthood, I’ve come to realize that I have several non-negotiables when it comes to friendships. For instance, if we arrange a playdate and you mention that your child was sick all night, I’m sorry—stay home if you’re unwell.
Here are the key deal breakers that define my friendship criteria:
- Cleaning Before Visiting: If I feel the need to tidy up just for your visit, then this friendship isn’t for me. I want friends who appreciate me for who I am, and that includes my not-so-perfectly clean home.
- Unsolicited Parenting Advice: If I’m sharing my thoughts or frustrations, I’m likely just venting. If I need advice, I will ask for it. Different parenting styles are fine, but I should never feel inferior about my choices. Support is what I seek, not unsolicited guidance.
- Backup Friendships: I’m not interested in being your second choice when other plans fall through. I want to feel valued and included, not like an afterthought in your social life.
- Lack of Humor: If you can’t share a laugh with me, our friendship may not last. Life can be tough, and laughter is often the best remedy. If we can’t find joy together, it might be time to part ways.
- One-Sided Efforts: While I understand that life gets busy, friendships require effort from both sides. If I’m consistently the one initiating plans, it won’t take long for me to lose interest.
- Flakiness: Life happens, and I get that. But if you cancel our meet-ups regularly, I will have to reevaluate our friendship. Consistency is crucial.
- Inability to Keep Secrets: If I confide in you, I expect my words to remain private. Sharing my secrets with others is a major breach of trust that I cannot overlook.
- Authenticity: I need to feel safe being my true self around you. If I sense any judgment, the friendship will struggle. I have my good days and my messy days, and I hope for a friend who embraces all of me.
While I may seem strict with my deal breakers, I believe they are fair and reasonable. I consider myself a loyal friend and expect no more than I’m willing to offer. So, what are your friendship deal breakers? Let’s connect over coffee and explore our common ground.
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To summarize, establishing meaningful friendships as an adult can be tough, but knowing what you want in a friend can make the process easier. Be clear about your expectations, and you’ll foster connections that are fulfilling and genuine.