When you become a parent, you discover a wealth of new experiences. From how to soothe a crying baby to managing fevers, the learning curve is steep. In this journey, you also encounter various parenting styles, and it’s helpful to identify which one resonates with you. The classic Baumrind parenting styles—authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved—are just the tip of the iceberg. There’s also a growing list of approaches, including free-range, positive, and attachment parenting. Among these, you may come across the term “helicopter parenting.”
Chances are, you’ve seen humorous memes or social media posts poking fun at helicopter parents. But what does it really mean, and could you be one without realizing it? Let’s dive into this topic.
What is Helicopter Parenting?
The term “helicopter parent” originated in the late 1960s, when psychologist Dr. Haim Ginott noted that teenagers described their parents as hovering like helicopters above them. This concept was later expanded by child development experts Foster Cline and Jim Fay, who illustrated how these parents tend to swoop in and rescue their children from challenges. By 2011, the term was officially defined as “a parent who is overly involved in the life of his or her child” (Merriam-Webster).
Emily Jackson, a clinical psychologist from New York, explains that helicopter parenting often surpasses what is developmentally suitable for the child. For instance, while it’s necessary to supervise toddlers for safety, parents should gradually allow older children more freedom. When parents excessively control, monitor, or intervene, they fit the helicopter parent mold.
Real-Life Examples of Helicopter Parenting
Want to know what helicopter parenting looks like in everyday scenarios? Here are some examples, as noted by Jackson:
- For Infants: Preventing new experiences, showing distress at minor injuries, and overly restricting activities that might lead to failure.
- For Toddlers: Excessively hovering during play, not allowing them to solve their own problems, and always directing their activities.
- For School-Aged Children: Performing tasks for them excessively, intervening in social disputes, and trying to secure special treatment from educators.
- For Teens: Completing homework or projects for them, constantly cleaning up after them, and making significant decisions on their behalf.
Distinguishing Between Parenting Styles
Helicopter parenting isn’t the only style impacting today’s youth. For instance, bulldozer parenting shares similarities but differs in its approach. According to Jackson, bulldozer parents actively remove obstacles, preventing their children from facing consequences. In contrast, helicopter parents attempt to closely monitor their children while still allowing some consequences to occur.
You may also confuse attachment parenting with helicopter parenting, but they are distinct. Attachment parenting, based on the work of John Bowlby, emphasizes forming secure bonds to foster emotional development. Helicopter parenting, however, can hinder a child’s independence by being overly involved, thus stifling their ability to cope with challenges.
The Impact of Helicopter Parenting
While it’s not uncommon for parents to have helicopter-like tendencies occasionally, this style is generally not recommended. Over the past decade, research has shown that children raised under helicopter parenting may struggle with self-confidence, decision-making, and coping with failure. They often rely heavily on parental guidance, even in adulthood.
Navigating Different Parenting Styles in a Partnership
If you and your partner have differing parenting styles—one being more helicopter-like and the other more laid-back—communication is key. Ori Miller, founder of Parenting Simplified, suggests these five strategies for harmonious co-parenting:
- Communicate: Share your feelings and listen to each other’s concerns.
- Work Together: Establish common rules and be open to compromise.
- Support Each Other: Reinforce each other’s decisions in front of the kids.
- Be Consistent: Strive for consistency in approaches to reinforce stability for your children.
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In summary, helicopter parenting often leads to negative outcomes for children, stifling their ability to navigate life’s challenges. Recognizing these tendencies and actively working to balance your parenting style can foster a more independent and resilient child.