Long before I became a parent, I decided that co-sleeping would be an integral part of my family life. I vividly remember being around nine years old when I resolved to let my future children sleep close to me for as long as they needed. After my parents divorced, my sister and I were shuttling back and forth between their homes. My younger sister, only four at the time, struggled with the transition, especially during the nighttime. I often found myself comforting her late into the night, occasionally crawling into her small twin bed to help her drift off to sleep.
It was during those moments that I recognized the importance of closeness for children, both day and night. I vowed to never deny my future kids that comfort. Fast forward to the arrival of my first baby, and the choice to co-sleep was a no-brainer. We followed all the bed-sharing safety guidelines, and it was the only way we could get any rest. After all, he was just a baby and needed that connection. Why would I take that away from him?
As my son grew, we continued the tradition of co-sleeping. When I was expecting his little brother, we transitioned him to his own bed right next to ours, and that arrangement lasted for several years. It’s not that we didn’t encourage independence—both of my children have their own rooms and we gently nudged them to try sleeping alone. Sometimes, we even camp out with them for a night or two. But they often end up back in our room, and that’s perfectly fine. They express things like, “I just want to be close to you at night. It feels better that way.” I don’t see the logic in denying them that small comfort.
Both of my kids are independent in many other aspects of life. They easily make friends, display kindness, and self-regulate their emotions. But when it comes to nighttime, they still desire the presence of their parents. Honestly, I’m not a fan of sleeping alone either. Why should they be?
Of course, sharing a bed with kids isn’t without its challenges. I don’t always enjoy waking up to a foot in my face! We’ve had plenty of conversations about respecting personal space at night. I try to view these moments as learning opportunities for them.
Then there’s the ever-popular question: “When do you have sex?” The answer is simple—when the kids are asleep, you can sneak off to another room. Or perhaps you can find time during naptime or while they’re occupied with their devices.
I always thought that co-sleeping would naturally fade away as my children reached their teenage years. I recalled a quote from anthropologist Dr. James J. McKenna, who discussed co-sleeping in Japan, where it’s common for children to share a bed with their parents until they are teenagers. He metaphorically described this arrangement as a river, where the parents are the banks and the child is the water flowing between them.
Now that my oldest has officially entered his teenage years, I can confirm that the transition has occurred quite naturally. He is now content sleeping in his own room, knowing he always has a spot in ours if he needs it.
This arrangement isn’t for everyone, and I understand that many people require their own sleeping space. However, I don’t think it needs to be an all-or-nothing approach. Many parents invite their older kids back into their beds after a nightmare or when they are feeling unwell.
In truth, having older children or tweens sleeping in your room isn’t as uncommon as people might think. Many families choose to keep this practice private due to societal taboos. I want to assure you that there is nothing wrong with it. Children can thrive and grow, knowing that their parents are available for comfort, even at night. We teach them that their needs are valid and heard.
Rest assured, this phase doesn’t last forever. Just as in all aspects of childhood, kids evolve at their own pace, especially when we provide the support they need along the way. For more about navigating family dynamics, check out this insightful blog post or explore this resource for information on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
The article discusses the author’s commitment to co-sleeping with her children, which began in her childhood and continues into their teenage years. She emphasizes the importance of closeness and connection, even as children grow. The author acknowledges the challenges of shared sleeping arrangements but believes in the value of nurturing their children’s needs for comfort and security.
Keyphrase
Co-Sleeping in Families
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