Recently, I attended a local gathering that encouraged participants to wear name tags to facilitate introductions. I wrote my name (Jamie) and added my preferred gender-neutral pronouns (they/them). This practice serves to emphasize that my name or appearance do not solely define my gender identity. As a nonbinary individual, I don’t identify strictly as male or female; rather, I embody a blend of both or neither, depending on the day. Including my pronouns also signals my intention to respect others’ identities; if someone doesn’t share their pronouns, I’ll ask.
However, throughout the event, I noticed that no one else had indicated their pronouns on their tags, which left me feeling somewhat isolated. As someone who already feels like an outsider, the burden of educating others about how to create a more inclusive environment can be exhausting. It’s crucial for everyone to recognize that gender is not limited to just male or female and that other pronouns exist beyond he/him and she/her.
Some may already be aware of this, while others might still be navigating these evolving concepts. It’s important to understand that gender as a spectrum and the use of gender-neutral pronouns are not new ideas. Just because you’re unfamiliar with them does not diminish their validity. For instance, I recently discovered that Karamo Brown from Queer Eye was once on Real World’s 15th season—just because I didn’t know that before doesn’t negate his experience. Similarly, your lack of knowledge about gender-neutral pronouns doesn’t invalidate my existence or your ability to learn.
Let’s Dive In.
While I personally use they/them pronouns, there are various other gender-neutral options available, such as ze/hir, xe/xem, and ze/zir. The key takeaway is that you should always use the pronouns that someone shares with you. Misgendering someone by defaulting to your assumptions can be hurtful and disrespectful. It may be comfortable for you to stick to what you know, but it also indicates a lack of effort to understand others. When you share your name and pronouns, I reciprocate. Please extend the same courtesy to me.
For more resources on using gender-neutral language, consider checking out The Associated Press, the Chicago Manual of Style, or the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee’s LGBTQ Center. While you might not have time to explore these now, it’s worth bookmarking them for future reference. Here are a few examples of how to incorporate gender-neutral pronouns into your conversations:
When Meeting Someone New:
- “Hi, I’m [insert name]. I use they/them pronouns. What about you?”
- “Hi, I’m [insert name]. I use he/him pronouns. This is my friend [insert name]. They use they/them pronouns. How would you like to be addressed?”
When Referring to Someone:
One of the most supportive actions you can take is to use someone’s correct pronouns even when they’re not present.
- “My friend [insert name] made this delicious soup; they are an amazing cook.”
- [Insert name] can’t make it tonight. Hir mom needs help with online banking.
- Nope, that water bottle isn’t mine. It’s hirs.
- I don’t know how [insert name] does it all. They really need to take a break!
- I was going to text ze but got distracted by cat videos.
When Correcting Others:
One of the best ways to support transgender and nonbinary individuals is by correcting someone who misgenders them. Whether it’s accidental or intentional, standing up for our friends, family, or coworkers lightens the load on us to educate others.
- Bob: “[Insert name] will meet us at the theater. She is picking up [insert name] on the way.”
- Tom: “[Insert name] uses they/them pronouns, remember? They’re picking up [insert name] on their way.”
- Bob: “Oh right! Thanks for the reminder.”
When Correcting Yourself:
Mistakes happen, and chances are you’ll slip up from time to time. The important thing is to acknowledge your error and move on. Apologizing excessively can make the other person feel uncomfortable. Just correct yourself and strive to do better next time. And if someone corrects you, express your gratitude.
- Karen: “I can’t wait to see [insert name]! I haven’t seen him—hir—in so long.”
- Jill: “This is [insert name]. It’s her—sorry, their—first time trying hot yoga.”
Learning to use gender-neutral pronouns might feel like mastering a new language, but remember that you’re simply expanding your vocabulary. The discomfort you feel is minor compared to what many of us experience daily. However, your efforts to be an ally can create a significant impact. For additional insights on gender inclusivity, check out this article on home insemination or explore resources for pregnancy and home insemination at Hopkins Medicine.
Summary:
Understanding and using gender-neutral pronouns is crucial for fostering inclusivity in our communities. By actively engaging in conversations about pronouns, correcting ourselves and others, and learning about the spectrum of gender, we can help create a more welcoming environment for everyone.
Keyphrase: gender-neutral pronouns
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