Every afternoon, my young son races off the school bus, charging up our long driveway and launching himself into my waiting arms. I shower him with kisses and inquire about his day, wrapping my arm around his shoulders as we head inside for a well-deserved snack. Our affection is boundless, and there’s no hiding our love for each other.
My preschool daughter is equally affectionate, often curling up next to me during the night or clinging to my leg, whispering, “I love you, Mommy.” I can’t resist scooping her up for a hug, and yes, we can be a bit over the top. But I also have two tween daughters, and it recently hit me that I had unintentionally stepped back from providing them with the physical affection they still need. I can’t pinpoint exactly when or why this shift occurred, but it became clear that I had let it happen.
The Tumultuous Tween Years
Tweens navigate a tumultuous phase in life. One moment they’re playing with dolls and asking for snacks, and the next, they’re demanding phones, slamming doors, and declaring their hatred for us. Their emotions are a rollercoaster, fueled by the onset of puberty and the relentless social pressures they face, especially with friends and social media.
These tweens put on a brave front, striving to appear self-sufficient, but often revert to their younger selves when they least expect it. I mistakenly thought that since my daughters were growing up, they no longer needed the hugs, bedtime cuddles, or affectionate gestures. They seemed “too cool” for that, and I inadvertently pulled back.
A Moment of Clarity
One day, while juggling dinner preparations with all my kids in the kitchen, my oldest daughter approached me and simply said, “Mommy.” It was a moment that stopped me in my tracks. When was the last time she called me that? She was excited to share an essay she’d written, something that she was genuinely proud of and wanted me to appreciate as a fellow writer.
In that instant, I realized just how much I had neglected to offer my older children the affection they likely needed, especially at this crucial time in their lives. They may not require diaper changes or help with car seats anymore, but that doesn’t mean they don’t still crave my presence and love.
I wrestled with guilt for several days after this revelation. Was I simply trying to respect their growing independence? Or had I become lazy in certain aspects of parenting? The mom guilt was overwhelming. Regardless of the reason, it was time to change my approach.
Personalized Connection
Every child is unique. One of my daughters prefers quirky books, while the other thrives on playful wrestling matches. Whatever connects us is what matters, and it’s essential to continue engaging with them as they grow older.
To rekindle our bond, I created personalized connection lists for each of my kids, highlighting their love languages and activities we could enjoy together. Recently, I surprised my oldest with gold star decals for her room. We spent the afternoon decorating together, and I made sure to carve out some one-on-one time for her. As we admired our work, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and told her how proud I was of what we accomplished.
My other daughter prefers lighthearted conversations over hugs. We engage in silly discussions and play “would you rather” games, laughing together as we explore her vast superhero book collection. Our time spent together is centered on her needs, and that’s perfectly okay.
Building Trust Through Connection
Fostering this connection with my tweens has proven invaluable, especially when serious conversations arise. Being a tween was challenging for me back in the early ‘90s, but today’s kids face even greater challenges. Our talks about vaping, body autonomy, bullying, social media, and anxiety have been made easier because we’ve taken the time to build trust.
Just a few weeks have passed since my moment of clarity. Initially, I felt embarrassed and ashamed, but I’ve come to appreciate the significance of my daughter calling me “Mommy” again. This realization has had a profound and positive impact on our family dynamics, and I’m committed to closing the distance I had unintentionally created with my tweens.
Further Reading
For more insights on parenting and the challenges of raising children, check out this blog post. If you’re navigating similar challenges or considering family planning options, visit Make A Mom for expert advice and resources. Additionally, for those exploring fertility options, Johns Hopkins Medicine offers a wealth of information.
Conclusion
In summary, recognizing the need for parental affection in tweens can transform family relationships. Understanding each child’s unique needs and reconnecting through various activities fosters trust and opens the door for meaningful conversations about life’s challenges.
Keyphrase: nurturing tweens with affection
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