My child was designated female at birth, a classification based solely on biological attributes. In many instances, one’s identity aligns with this designation, but that is not universally the case. My son, like numerous others, experiences gender dysphoria—a profound sense of discomfort that arises when one’s external appearance does not resonate with their internal self.
During our early journey of understanding and embracing my son’s identity, a fellow parent asked, “He’s going to tell people, right? Especially when he starts dating?” Her expectation for full disclosure was clear. “I wouldn’t want my daughter to develop feelings for a boy only to find out he’s transgender.”
I don’t blame her for her inquiry. It stemmed from a place of innocence and concern for her own child’s emotional well-being. I appreciate her perspective, even if I occasionally bristle at the underlying assumptions in her words.
Understanding Gender Identity
Before delving into my response, let’s clarify some terms:
- A child who identifies with the gender they were assigned at birth is considered cisgender.
- A child who identifies with the opposite gender is labeled transgender.
- Those who identify outside the traditional binary of male or female are referred to as non-binary.
- If someone feels comfortable identifying as more than one gender, they are gender fluid.
- Individuals who experience no gender identity are called agender.
How your child identifies is ultimately their choice. (For more on this topic, check out my essay “Someone Else’s Gender Identity Isn’t About You.”) Likewise, your child’s sexual orientation, which is distinct from their gender identity, is also theirs to determine. Additionally, the relationships your child pursues are their prerogative.
As a parent, it’s natural to contemplate your child’s future. We envision their career paths, friendships, and family dynamics. However, it’s essential to acknowledge the limits of our influence. There are factors—like health, personal interests, and romantic connections—that are beyond our control. Thus, many “what if” scenarios quickly become irrelevant.
What we can do is encourage our children to think independently, establish strong personal values, and live authentically. We should instill qualities such as honesty, bravery, compassion, and acceptance. Trusting them to trust themselves is crucial, as they navigate their own lives in ways that feel right for them.
Addressing the Concerned Parent
Now, returning to the concerned parent. “He’s going to tell people, right?”
My son, now a teenager, presents as a young man. He sports short hair, which I trim at home, and dresses in typical male attire—striped tees, comfy hoodies, and joggers from the men’s section. His name is distinctly masculine. So, what’s there to “tell”?
The notion that he should feel obligated to announce his transgender identity during dating seems unrealistic. In my own online dating experiences, I’ve never felt compelled to introduce myself with, “Hi, I’m Sophie, and by the way, I’m cisgender.”
That said, societal norms are evolving. A quick scroll through social media reveals many users proudly display their preferred pronouns and LGBTQ+ symbols. If you’re not noticing how openly individuals share their identities, that’s on you.
“It wouldn’t be fair for my daughter to fall in love with a transgender man.” Let’s pause and consider the stages that typically precede romantic love.
- Connection.
- Friendship.
- Shared interests.
- Dating.
- Deepening attraction.
- Emotional intimacy.
- Vulnerability.
- Assessing compatibility.
Eventually, love may blossom.
Given this progression, worrying about whether someone might fall for another before discussing gender identity seems unnecessary. It also presumes that my son would intentionally mislead someone, as if he would casually drop his transgender status during a marriage proposal. Such behavior reflects significant character flaws unrelated to gender identity, reminding us of our vital role in guiding our children to be good individuals.
Questions for Reflection
And now, let me pose a few questions for reflection:
- What if your child were the one who broke my child’s heart?
- What if your child chose to date someone transgender?
- What if your own child came to you and said, “I’m transgender”?
In closing, navigating these questions encourages a broader understanding of relationships, identity, and acceptance.
For further insights, you can explore more about the process of pregnancy and home insemination at this resource. If you’re interested in different approaches to insemination, check out an informative piece on artificial insemination as well.
Summary
The article discusses a parent’s response to concerns about whether their transgender child should disclose their identity when dating. It emphasizes the importance of understanding gender identity, fostering independence in children, and addressing societal expectations. Ultimately, the focus is on the significance of personal connections and nurturing good character in children.
Keyphrase: Transgender identity in dating
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]