Not long ago, we received another note from our daughter’s kindergarten teacher. It read, “Lila is improving, but we still need to address her tendency to blurt out comments in class and her difficulty following directions.” This has been an ongoing conversation since she started kindergarten. Prior to that, we had a similar dialogue with her preschool teacher, and we often found ourselves discussing her behavior with her Sunday school teacher as well.
It seems like this has been a constant theme throughout her life. I still vividly remember a note from preschool last year that informed me Lila had been sent to the principal’s office for not following instructions and calling her teacher a “loser.” Really? A principal’s office visit in preschool? Who even gets sent there at that age? And where did she learn that word? We certainly don’t use it at home. It felt like I was raising a miniature version of a celebrity known for his bluntness.
This sums up my experience raising my youngest. The running joke in our house is that if she were our first child, she would have been our last. The highlight of our early days together was when she could sit but not yet walk or talk. I’d give her a toy to safely chew on, and she would sit there happily for hours. But then she discovered mobility, and everything changed. Suddenly, she was that child sprinting to the front of the chapel to bang on the organ keys, laughing uncontrollably as if it were the best joke ever. She’s the one who has to be carried out of the library screaming, drawing judgmental stares from everyone around.
She doesn’t care about rules or consequences. Lila does whatever she wants, whether it’s impulsive or not. With her cheeky smile and raucous laughter, it’s like her will is unshakeable. It doesn’t matter how many timeouts or privileges I revoke; she’ll still climb on the kitchen table and dance.
When you’re raising a spirited child, there’s a part of you that hopes they’ll take on the world someday — at least that’s what I keep telling myself. I can see Lila confidently asking her boss for a raise one day, not allowing anyone to push her around, be it a father, husband, or even the president. But the reality is, I’m the one living with her in the meantime, and honestly, I’m drained.
Just this past weekend, I helped her tidy up her room, and by the time we managed to corral all her stuffed animals and dolls, I was sweating profusely from the effort of redirecting that little whirlwind. Everything with her is an adventure — and she’s only five. I can only imagine what her teenage years will be like. That is, if I make it long enough to witness them.
I think the hardest part is the feeling that every other parent is silently judging my parenting skills as I try to guide her. There’s something about having an intense, spirited child that makes other parents either give you a sidelong glance or offer unsolicited advice as if they truly understand what you’re dealing with. But unless you’ve lived in this chaos, you just don’t get it. My older two kids were like raising two angels, while Lila is like parenting a tornado. The full moon hits, and all bets are off. I know I’m a good dad, but there aren’t enough tricks in the book to tame this child. Please, save your judgments for someone else.
However, I’ve found that when you have an intense child, not everyone is against you, and those allies make a world of difference. For instance, after the incident with the principal, we met with Lila’s teacher, Ms. Graham. Naturally, my wife and I were concerned. We sat at a tiny table, across from a warm, kind woman with curly hair in her fifties. We discussed Lila’s academic progress, and after a few pauses, I finally asked, “How’s her behavior?”
Ms. Graham took a moment to gather her thoughts. My wife, Mel, jumped in, saying we know how challenging Lila can be, and we’re working on it at home. Ms. Graham smiled and said, “Yes, she can be quite a handful sometimes.” She shared a few stories about redirecting Lila, laughing at the memories. Then she said something that really hit home: “I want that girl to be herself, no matter what, because she’s truly special, and I have no doubt she’ll rule the world one day. Never dim her spirit.”
In that moment, Mel and I exchanged smiles, and I felt a wave of optimism wash over me. For more insights on parenting, check out this blog post on home insemination, or learn about fertility from Make a Mom. For those considering IVF, this resource is an excellent place to start.
Summary
Raising an intense child can be exhausting, filled with challenges, but it’s also a journey filled with moments of joy and laughter. Finding support and understanding from teachers and allies can make a significant difference in navigating the ups and downs of parenting a spirited child. Remember, while the journey may be tough, the potential for greatness is always there.
Keyphrase: parenting an intense child
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