Sometimes, after a few drinks, you find yourself searching for the perfect witty remark, but the alcohol kicks in and your mind goes blank. Luckily, many fellow enthusiasts of libations have shared some clever and humorous insights about drinking over the years. If you’re in the mood to enjoy a bit of boozy humor, look no further! These quotes capture the joy of getting tipsy and the occasional embarrassment that comes with it. We’ve all had our share of wild nights fueled by drinks, so here’s to all those times you made it home safely and survived the inevitable hangovers. Remember to drink responsibly and enjoy the company of good friends. Cheers! Here are 103 funny drinking quotes that will have the room buzzing.
- “Trust me: You can dance — Alcohol.” — Unknown
- “Responsible Drinking? Now that’s an oxymoron.” — Aaron Howard
- “If life gives you lemons, add VODKA.” — Unknown
- “There are 24 hours in a day and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?” — Stephen Wright
- “I followed my heart, and it led me to ALCOHOL.” — Unknown
- “A man’s true character shows when he’s drunk.” — Charlie Chaplin
- “Step aside, COFFEE; this is a job for ALCOHOL.” — Unknown
- “Drunkenness is just voluntary madness.” — Seneca
- “Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, ALCOHOL is a solution.” — Unknown
- “I’ve never been drunk, but I’ve often been over served.” — George Gobel
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- “Always buy a bigger bottle than you think you’ll need. Better safe than sober.” — Unknown
- “People aren’t addicted to alcohol or drugs; they’re addicted to escaping reality.” — Unknown
- “Drink because you’re happy, but never to drown your sorrows.” — G.K. Chesterton
- “Alcohol doesn’t make you fat; it makes you lean: against tables, chairs, walls, floors, and unattractive people.” — Unknown
- “The issue with some folks is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.” — William Butler Yeats
- “Always do sober what you said you’d do while drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut!” — Ernest Hemingway
- “Everybody has to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.” — Unknown
- “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says to love your enemies.” — Unknown
- “First, you take a drink; then the drink takes a drink; then the drink takes you.” — Unknown
- “In wine, there is wisdom; in beer, there is freedom; in water, there are bacteria.” — Unknown
- “Either give me more wine or leave me alone.” — Rumi
- “Of course size matters. No one wants a small glass of wine.” — Unknown
- “Nothing lasts forever, so live it up, drink it down, laugh it off.” — Unknown
- “I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food.” — W.C. Fields
- “Here’s to alcohol, the rose-colored glasses of life.” — F. Scott Fitzgerald
- “I drink wine because my doctor said I shouldn’t keep things bottled up.” — Unknown
- “Men are like fine wine — some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” — Pope John XXIII
- “I drink to drown my problems; unfortunately, my problems are great swimmers.” — Unknown
- “A bottle of wine holds more philosophy than all the books in the world.” — Louis Pasteur
- “This is one of the disadvantages of wine: it makes a man mistake words for thought.” — Samuel Johnson
- “Age is just a number. It’s irrelevant unless you’re a bottle of wine.” — Joan Collins
- “Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can drink alcohol.” — Steve Martin
- “I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.” — Unknown
- “If I ever go missing, I want my picture on a wine bottle instead of a milk carton so my friends will know I’m missing.” — Unknown
- “The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.” — Unknown
- “War and drink are the two things man is never too poor to buy.” — William Faulkner
- “Drink today, and drown all sorrow; you might not make it tomorrow.” — John Fletcher
- “Whiskey is the most popular remedy that won’t cure a cold.” — Jerry Vale
- “I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.” — Winston Churchill
- “A woman drove me to drink, and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.” — W.C. Fields
- “Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working, drink before work.” — Unknown
- “I only take a drink on two occasions: when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.” — Brendan Behan
- “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” — Unknown
- “Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.” — Lord Byron
- “I spent a lot of my money on booze, women, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.” — George Best
- “An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.” — Ernest Hemingway
- “I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on New Year’s Eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking.” — Unknown
- “The ideal man doesn’t smoke, drink, do drugs, swear, or get angry. He doesn’t exist.” — Unknown
- “A man is a fool if he drinks before he’s 50, and a fool if he doesn’t afterward.” — Frank Lloyd Wright
- “I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days, I lost two weeks.” — Unknown
- “It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or fourteenth.” — George F. Burns
- “He was a wise man who invented beer.” — Plato
- “Don’t cry over spilled milk. It could have been beer!” — Unknown
- “Let’s have a beer together; you can open it, and I’ll drink it.” — Unknown
- “Beer doesn’t have many vitamins. That’s why you need to drink lots of it.” — Unknown
- “Home is where the wine is.” — Unknown
- “A drunk man never tells a lie.” — Unknown
- “I swear to drunk I’m not God!” — Unknown
- “Act single, see double, drink triple.” — Unknown
- “You look like I need another drink.” — Unknown
- “I’m not as think as you drunk I am.” — Unknown
- “Nothing in life is absolute — only vodka.” — Unknown
- “Because alcohol tastes better than tears.” — Unknown
- “A party without alcohol is just a meeting.” — Unknown
- “I work until beer o’clock.” — Stephen King
- “Save the earth; it’s the only planet with beer.” — Unknown
- “I said no to alcohol, but it just doesn’t listen.” — Unknown
- “I drink because I work; I work so I can drink.” — Unknown
- “Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver.” — Unknown
- “To me, ‘Drink responsibly’ means don’t spill it.” — Unknown
- “Friday is the beginning of my liver’s workweek.” — Unknown
- “I’m on a whiskey diet… I’ve lost three days already!” — Unknown
- “He that drinks fast pays slow.” — Benjamin Franklin
- “They say to follow your heart, and it led me to alcohol.” — Unknown
- “Beer is now cheaper than gas; do drink, don’t drive!” — Unknown
- “Good people drink good beer.” — Hunter S. Thompson
- “Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.” — Ogden Nash
- “Work is the curse of the drinking classes.” — Oscar Wilde
- “I don’t have a drinking problem; I have a thirst problem.” — Unknown
- “I am a drinker with writing problems.” — Brendan Behan
- “You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning.” — Unknown
- “Don’t drink to forget me; you’ll end up seeing me double.” — Unknown
- “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” — Unknown
- “Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.” — Kinky Friedman
- “Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy alcohol.” — Unknown
- “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” — Unknown
- “We drink, we die, and we continue to drink.” — Dennis Leary
- “May you always have love in your heart and beer in your belly.” — Unknown
- “My boss didn’t know I drank until one day I came to work sober.” — Unknown
- “Alcohol is the cause and solution to many of life’s problems.” — Unknown
- “Alcohol helps me listen to your nonsense and pretend to believe it.” — Unknown
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- “A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.” — Steve Fergosi
- “There are more old drunkards than old physicians.” — Bernard Shaw
- “I drink to make other people more interesting.” — Ernest Hemingway
- “Not to brag, but I don’t even need alcohol to make bad decisions.” — Unknown
- “If smokers can have smoking breaks, why can’t I have drinking breaks?” — Unknown
- “I drink wine because my doctor said I shouldn’t keep things bottled up.” — Unknown
- “Alcohol is a perfect solvent; it dissolves marriages, families, and careers.” — Unknown
- “Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.” — Unknown
- “Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.” — Henry Lawson
- “Give me a woman who loves beer, and I will conquer the world.” — Kaiser Wilhelm
- “No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.” — John Churchill
- “How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.” — Unknown
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In summary, these quotes not only highlight the humor in drinking culture but also serve as a reminder to enjoy life responsibly. Raise your glass, share a laugh, and cherish those moments spent with good friends.
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