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This Comic Highlights the Most Draining Aspect of Motherhood
by Sarah Thompson
Updated: Oct. 10, 2023
Originally Published: June 1, 2017
A comic by French artist Jane Doe has gone viral for its poignant portrayal of the “mental load” that many mothers bear in their households. Her comic, “You Should’ve Asked,” resonates deeply with women everywhere, illustrating a scenario that feels all too familiar.
It begins with a story of new parents inviting a friend over for dinner. While mom juggles feeding the baby, cooking, and managing various tasks, dad enjoys the company of their guest. Sound familiar?
Often, women hesitate to discuss this imbalance, fearing it may reinforce stereotypes of fathers as unhelpful. While many fathers contribute to household duties, they often don’t shoulder the same mental burden that mothers do, which is the real issue at hand: the mental load.
Consider your own home. Can you recall the last time your child had a fever? Who stayed up all night to tend to them? Now think about who ensures the fridge is stocked, fills out insurance paperwork, selects new book bags, or donates outgrown clothes. Who last remembered to replace a broken toothbrush? Who actively participates in PTA meetings? Who keeps track of dwindling milk supplies?
It is. So. Exhausting.
Women frequently carry an ever-growing mental checklist of tasks that need attention. When they do attempt to delegate responsibilities to their partners, it often results in them completing only the single task asked of them, rather than taking on the bigger picture.
These may seem like minor tasks, but they accumulate into a whirlwind of activity that leaves mothers feeling like they’ve been running in circles all day. It’s a frustrating cycle where the effort to ask others for help feels just as burdensome as doing it themselves, leading to a mindset of “I’ll just handle it.” This cycle inevitably breeds both exhaustion and resentment.
And it’s not just during the early parenting years that women find themselves in these roles. The mental load often expands with each new stage of a child’s life, becoming even heavier when mothers return to work. Women end up acting as the “project managers” of their homes while also carrying out a significant portion of the work.
As Jane notes, “Women are still spending 25 times more hours on chores than men.” To create a more equitable household, it’s essential for men to recognize that the home is also their responsibility.
You can explore the full, insightful comic here, titled “You Should Have Asked.” It feels as if Jane has tapped into your thoughts and depicted your reality.
For more on the topic of family planning, consider our post on at-home insemination kits, which can be found at Make a Mom. If you’re looking for additional resources on pregnancy and fertility, check out Cleveland Clinic’s podcast. For expert insights, also visit Modern Family Blog.
Summary:
A comic by Jane Doe highlights the often unseen mental burden that mothers carry in managing household tasks. While fathers may contribute to chores, the disproportionate mental load that mothers bear can lead to exhaustion and resentment. The comic sparks crucial conversations about household responsibilities and the need for equitable partnerships in parenting.