Larry David has delivered a treasure trove of comedic gems during his nearly 40-year career. He first gained recognition in stand-up comedy and went on to write for shows like Fridays and Saturday Night Live, eventually teaming up with Jerry Seinfeld. His work on Seinfeld earned him two Emmys, and he later starred in Curb Your Enthusiasm, portraying a fictionalized version of himself—full of neuroses, social awkwardness, and a touch of rudeness. Essentially, he’s the real-life version of George Costanza.
Over the years, David has shared countless laugh-out-loud quotes. To celebrate his comedic brilliance, here’s a compilation of 50 of his best lines:
- “Confidence is easy with a full head of hair; but a self-assured bald man? Now that’s a rare find.”
- “I doubt anyone is genuinely interested in my emotional state—not even me.”
- “You really have to recognize your inadequacies to be funny; kids just don’t get that.”
- “You know who wears shades indoors? Blind people and jerks.”
- “Sometimes I like to imagine I’m deaf just to see how it feels not to hear the chirping birds. It’s not half bad.”
- “I often fantasize about moving abroad and returning with a full head of hair. Or maybe never coming back at all—just starting fresh with a different name.”
- “First night at IHOP, learned it’s not the best place for fish.”
- “Let’s go upstairs, crawl under the covers, and weep together.”
- “I don’t do shows that require memorized lines; I prefer to outline a few pages and let the actors improvise.”
- “I carry my Emmy with me everywhere—just casually, of course.”
- “During my New York days, there was a lot of yelling. I had constant run-ins with shopkeepers and pedestrians.”
- “There’s nothing that can truly reflect me. I’m unreflectable!”
- “I’m trying to elevate small talk to something a bit more substantial.”
- “I’m one of those fools who negotiate after the writing’s done.”
- “I despise leaving my comfort zone, which is barely an inch wide.”
- “Honestly, I’m not the brightest bulb in the box.”
- “I just can’t bear the sound of the human voice.”
- “Most people think I’m a bit conceited.”
- “I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people—barely.”
- “In social settings, I cling to my drink. It brings me comfort and keeps me from shaking hands.”
- “I’d prefer thieves over neighbors; at least thieves only want my things, while neighbors want my time.”
- “I had a fantastic childhood, which makes adjusting to a dismal adulthood quite challenging.”
- “I was lucky to team up with Jerry from the start—skipped a lot of steps that way.”
- “I tend to embrace my panic.”
- “Can I take back my apology for the apology?”
- “People are largely oblivious to their breath. They invade your space with no clue they have halitosis.”
- “The customer is usually an idiot and a jerk.”
- “It was meant to say ‘Beloved Aunt,’ not ‘Beloved C***!’”
- “Once I know people recognize me, it gives me the freedom to act in ways I normally wouldn’t.”
- “Golf is practically an addiction. I’m shocked there isn’t a Golf Anonymous group.”
- “A lie is merely a gesture—it’s a courteous act, a little bit of respect!”
- “As I wrote more, a version of me emerged—not quite me, but close enough.”
- “A date is just an experience that makes you appreciate being alone.”
- “I avoid saying anything positive; I feel like it’ll jinx me.”
- “When I was broke in New York, I’d notice alcoves and think, ‘That’d make a great spot when I’m homeless.’
- “I always expect the worst because I believe, deep down, I’m a bad person.”
- “I shy away from challenges. My specialty is running away from them.”
- “If I weren’t a golfer, I’d still be miserable, just not as miserable.”
- “Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating experiences a guy can endure, aside from dating.”
- “I recently found out I’m allergic to caviar—a perfect metaphor for my life.”
- “When you stop fretting about success, you can work freely.”
- “I’m a walking enigma; we’re a dying breed.”
- “It’s beneficial to take life experiences and turn them into comedy.”
- “Honesty about your feelings often leads to humor.”
- “I still remember the guy I was before marriage and kids; he’s the one who needs to laugh.”
- “I’ve been in therapy and learned enough about myself—I don’t need to know more.”
- “A good compromise is when neither side is happy.”
- “I’ve lived an empty life for over forty years; now I can pass that legacy on to the next generation.”
- “Women are attracted to a self-assured bald man.”
- “I can’t stand reading anything I’ve said.”
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In summary, Larry David’s unique humor provides a refreshing perspective on life’s absurdities. His quotes reflect both his comedic genius and his relatable outlook on the challenges of everyday existence.
Keyphrase: Larry David Quotes
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