I discovered my 13-year-old son, Ethan, smoking marijuana on Easter evening beneath our backyard deck. After sending him to bed with a goodnight kiss, I assumed he was merely grabbing a snack in the kitchen. However, when I heard coughing outside my bedroom window, I looked out while brushing my teeth and saw his bare legs along with a lighter. That’s when I knew.
Ethan has always been a cautious child, preferring to maintain control over his surroundings. A couple of years ago, while attempting a jump on a ski slope, he took a hard fall. He got back up and kept skiing, but he hasn’t tried jumping since. He often tells me he worries about breaking bones or getting hurt. “I don’t need all that fancy stuff. It’s not worth it,” he says.
Given his responsible nature—he’s an honor student who rarely has cash on hand—I never thought I would be dealing with this issue at this stage. But I was mistaken.
As a parent, I’ve done everything recommended regarding drugs and alcohol. I’ve had conversations with him about the risks associated with substances like marijuana since he was a young child. I express my love for him daily and actively engage with him about his feelings, friendships, and experiences. We maintain open communication at home, and my children know they can talk to me about anything.
While I don’t smoke myself, I have a liberal stance on marijuana. I believe in personal choice when it comes to recreational use, and I’ve supported its legalization in our state. However, I cannot apply that same liberal mindset when it comes to my 13-year-old son.
Witnessing him high made me feel anything but the “you do you” advocate I thought I was. As he stood there, his eyes bloodshot, trying to convince me that “It’s just a plant, Mom,” and “It’s no big deal—it’s like medicine,” I realized that the freedom to use marijuana comes with immense responsibility. We must be cautious in our discussions about it, reminding teenagers that they are too young to experiment with substances, regardless of their legal status.
I understand that kids have experimented for ages and will continue to do so. I know Ethan isn’t a delinquent, and this incident doesn’t definitively predict his future. But that doesn’t make it acceptable for him to assume that smoking is harmless or normal.
As parents, we have the crucial job of guiding our children and shaping the narrative around these topics. However, I recognize that they often hear what they want to hear: the idea that marijuana is natural and less harmful than other drugs, that they can’t overdose, and that it won’t lead to violent behavior. While I don’t entirely disagree with those points, I believe we need to acknowledge that legal marijuana might encourage earlier experimentation among teens. This is a vital conversation to have, especially as we navigate political and social discussions about marijuana use.
Ethan admitted this was not his first encounter with marijuana. Looking at me with his half-closed eyes, he confessed, “I feel like this helps me. I like the way it makes me feel, but I also feel like maybe I am ruining my life.” He revealed where he kept his stash, including a pipe and a prescription bottle filled with weed he obtained from a classmate. It was as if he wanted to explore this new path but simultaneously sought an escape. Teenagers often struggle to comprehend their feelings about decisions like this, as their brains are still developing. I had never seen him so uncertain.
I hugged him tightly, thankful for his honesty and his willingness to talk. I assured him we would navigate this together. After he showered, I tossed his smelly clothes into the laundry and waited for him in his room. Once he came in, I expressed gratitude for his candor, but I also made it clear that his actions were inappropriate for a 13-year-old. I laid out a month-long punishment: no friends, phone, or social media. Instead, he would be spending the rest of spring break working with his father.
I know he’s angry with me, but I believe he loves me for this too. From my perspective, I see a young person experimenting with something he doesn’t fully understand. Perhaps he would have tried it regardless of society’s casual attitude toward marijuana today, but the reality is that it is still a drug with potential harmful effects on developing children. Ethan’s belief that smoking is validated by its medicinal use and accessibility is concerning. I don’t blame anyone else for this; I take responsibility for my part. While I still support the broader legalization of marijuana, we must approach conversations about it with caution, especially when discussing it with our children. The “good news” regarding marijuana is meant for adults, not for youths.
I’m uncertain if I’m handling this situation correctly, and I know opinions vary. Some may think I’m overreacting; others may feel I haven’t done enough. That’s acceptable. I only wish to communicate to parents that our kids are absorbing the casual attitudes many of us hold about marijuana, including myself, and it’s crucial to have these discussions now more than ever.
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In summary, maintaining an open dialogue about marijuana use with our children is essential. As attitudes toward marijuana evolve, we must ensure our kids understand the responsibilities that come with it, regardless of its legality.