From the moment my partner, Alex, and I began our relationship, we made it a priority to discuss the significant aspects of our lives. While Alex was initially unsure about expanding his family beyond his first child, he recognized my strong desire for kids and was open to the idea of building a life together. Knowing how much Alex cherished his son made it even more exciting as we planned for our future, including how to integrate him into our shared journey.
When the subject of finances arose, we both eagerly embraced the idea of a joint bank account. I was thrilled to have met someone as open and collaborative about money matters as I am. Despite both of us having experienced financial challenges in previous relationships, this agreement felt reassuring and ignited hope for our shared future.
However, one crucial detail was missing from our conversations: the debt we both carried from past experiences. By the time we felt comfortable discussing our financial histories, I was already expecting our first child. In a true partnership spirit, we decided to confront our debts together, committing to share the responsibility of managing them.
I recently learned that our situation has a name: “sexually transmitted debt.” Alex’s low credit score has hindered our ability to secure reasonable car loans, while my credit issues have made renting a place quite difficult. In essence, we unknowingly inherited each other’s financial burdens, and we would have to endure this challenge until we could recover.
I initially believed we were alone in facing this dilemma until I stumbled upon a revealing survey from Finder.com. It revealed that 1 in 6 Americans are affected by “sexually transmitted debt,” typically inherited from a current or former partner. The reasons for this debt vary widely, from joint purchases to divorce settlements, and even to the passing of a loved one. The average amount of debt taken on due to a partner’s financial legacy is a staggering $23,238. In a striking comparison, sexually transmitted infections result in approximately $16 billion in annual healthcare costs, while Americans collectively share an eye-watering $921 billion in debt due to poor spending habits.
While I understand the reasoning behind labeling debt as unsafe, it’s hard to accept as someone who never intended to be in my current financial predicament. I feel a deep empathy for those who suffer from financial abuse, including the trauma of having their credit damaged by a careless partner. But what about couples like us, who genuinely strive to support one another yet still bear the weight of past financial mistakes?
It’s easy to jump to conclusions about those who hide their debt, but the stories behind the numbers are often far more complex. Alex grew up in a modest environment and faced numerous challenges throughout his life. After deciding to pursue college at 26, he found himself with a baby on the way and a marriage filled with struggles. Lacking funds, he took out significant student loans for animation school, only to discover later that the institution was a for-profit school embroiled in a fraud lawsuit.
On my end, after a painful separation from my first husband, I found myself alone in a small apartment juggling bills. Having witnessed the havoc credit cards wreaked on my mother’s life, I had always been cautious. Yet, after years of resisting, I eventually succumbed and took out several lines of credit, ill-equipped to handle the high-interest payments. When I finally opened up to Alex about my financial situation, his compassion was a comforting surprise.
Both of us carried substantial student loan debt from our college days, and it felt good to empathize with one another. We were both naive young adults who hadn’t fully grasped the consequences of borrowing money for education. Unfortunately, our “sexually transmitted debt” continues to loom over us, causing significant stress and anxiety. Nevertheless, we maintain a team-oriented mindset when discussing our financial future, which helps to alleviate the weight of our challenges.
It’s important to recognize the stigma surrounding debt, similar to the stigma associated with sexually transmitted diseases. Many people fear judgment when discussing financial issues, but creating an environment of openness is crucial. Just as we need to talk about sexual health, we must also foster communication about finances early in relationships, as well as advocate for more compassionate perspectives on our country’s debt crisis.
Financial education should be a cornerstone of our upbringing, equipping us with the tools to navigate adulthood. I firmly believe if I had received better guidance on managing money, I might not be in my current situation. Yet, it’s essential to understand that my parents also faced financial hardships in their youth. Breaking the cycle of secrecy and shame around money starts with my partner and me, as we model empathy and transparency for our children while learning to manage our finances consciously.
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In summary, my partner and I are navigating the complexities of inherited debt together. By fostering open communication and empathy, we hope to model healthy financial habits for our future children and break the cycle of shame that often surrounds financial discussions.
Keyphrase: inherited debt
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