It’s amusing to reflect on my experience with co-sleeping — I was the advocate, not my wife. In most families, it’s typically the other way around. I certainly didn’t plan on co-sleeping when we welcomed our first child, but like many parenting decisions, it evolved naturally out of sheer exhaustion. Our firstborn, Leo, was notoriously difficult when it came to sleep.
For the first year, the only way he would settle down was if someone held him upright, cradled like a football. No chance of laying him down or snuggling beside him. After nearly a year of alternating sleepless nights and mastering the art of dozing on the sofa, the thought of having him sleep in our bed felt like a dream come true.
Unfortunately, my partner, Sarah, was firmly against it. Once Leo eventually transitioned from that peculiar sitting-sleeping phase, he still had trouble in his crib. Countless nights were spent rocking him to sleep, only to delicately place him back in his crib as if he were fragile glass — only for him to wake up screaming minutes later.
I kept suggesting that we let him sleep with us, while Sarah continually reminded me that we’d agreed to avoid that. But in our exhausted state, it became a compromise we both reluctantly accepted.
Admittedly, it was bliss to sleep horizontally again, but having Leo in our bed took a toll on our relationship. The first casualty was our intimacy. We still found time for intimacy, but it became a logistical challenge, especially with a child nestled in our bed. Though we were sleeping better than on the sofa, it was still a struggle. Leo had a knack for sleeping at strange angles, often kicking us and turning our bed into a makeshift playground.
To be honest, I have no idea how much heat a baby generates, but Leo seemed to radiate more warmth than the sun itself. Trying to sleep with him wedged between us was a hot and uncomfortable affair.
This ongoing co-sleeping arrangement sparked numerous arguments. While I knew Leo wouldn’t settle in his crib, Sarah was determined to keep our bed a space just for us. I was utterly worn out and found the prospect of battling him into his own bed daunting. Our disagreements became frequent — at dinner, during car rides, and even through whispered exchanges while Leo slept soundly between us.
Occasionally, Leo would sleep in his crib for a month, which felt like a victory. But then, a cold or mood swing would strike, and we’d find ourselves too drained to enforce the crib rule, allowing him back into our bed for a few more hours of sleep. Each time, Sarah would shoot me a look that said, “This is on you. Enjoy.”
Overall, the impact on our marriage was significant, while Leo thrived in the comfort of our bed. The hardest part was that once he experienced the coziness of co-sleeping, it became a long battle to get him to sleep independently. I can’t recall exactly when he finally decided his bed was where he belonged, but he was around three years old. Those three years of co-sleeping and nightly struggles were not beneficial for our relationship, that’s for sure.
Fast forward to now: Leo is 12, and I often have trouble getting him out of bed in the morning. He would happily snooze all day if allowed. I want to clarify that this isn’t a judgment on the ethics or safety of co-sleeping; it’s simply a peek into how it affected my marriage. If you choose this path, be aware that while your baby may love it, it could create challenges in your relationship, and transitioning them out of your bed might be harder than anticipated. If you want to dive deeper into this topic, check out this blog post on co-sleeping.
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In summary, while co-sleeping can be a comforting choice for your child, it may complicate your relationship and lead to struggles as they transition to sleeping independently.
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