When I share that I’m dating someone, the typical response is a warm smile. After coming out as gay just a year ago, people seem genuinely thrilled that I’ve found a companion to embrace my identity with. Curiosity often follows, especially regarding my partner’s nonbinary identity and the use of their pronouns. What a concept — plural pronouns for one person! Yet, the overwhelming support I’ve received has been heartwarming.
What tends to astonish people the most is the fact that my partner lives 1,400 miles away — I’m in sunny Florida, while they call Vermont home. It’s practically as far apart as two people can be in a north-south alignment in the contiguous United States. Both of us have children and ex-partners we co-parent with, establishing roots that make relocation unrealistic.
When I mention the distance, I can see the incredulity in their eyes. Some even bluntly state, “That’s not going to last long.” I understand why they might think that. From an outside perspective, maintaining a relationship separated by such distance can seem impractical. Why not just throw in the towel and find someone closer?
I grappled with these questions during the early days of my feelings for my partner. After separating from my husband due to my sexuality, I hadn’t even considered diving into dating apps like Grindr. My partner and I are colleagues who bonded over our shared experiences of separation, and what started as camaraderie quickly blossomed into something deeper.
Yes, we are each other’s “rebound,” and we’re still in that exhilarating phase of new love where everything feels electric. But maybe that’s not a bad thing. My strong affection for them has developed into genuine love, which isn’t the sole reason I want to nurture this relationship; love alone isn’t always sufficient.
What truly motivates me to keep this connection alive is how perfectly they fit into my life. Why would I search for someone “better” when they are already so extraordinary? They inspire me to be the best version of myself, calming my anxieties and believing in me when I falter. The thought of excluding them from my life is simply unimaginable.
Yet, those 1,400 miles remain a challenge. It might be years before we can share a home, but we’ve devised a plan to make it work. Thanks to technology and the occasional airplane, we’ve managed to see each other monthly for several days at a time. As freelancers, we can work from our laptops, allowing us to spend time together even while getting things done. The funds we might have used for dates with other potential partners go toward travel instead.
Our “dates” are often simple: nature hikes, browsing antique shops, beach walks, cooking meals together, or enjoying Netflix marathons. Last month, we even treated ourselves to the opera — from the cheap seats, of course.
The distance is undoubtedly tough, but we keep our lives running smoothly, balancing our kids’ schedules with our own. We stay connected through text and quick calls, sharing memes and articles to keep the conversation flowing until we can chat face-to-face over video calls at night. Even while working separately, we keep our video chat open, side by side, despite being miles apart.
I never envisioned a long-distance relationship at this stage in my life. I anticipated awkward dates and fumbling attempts at finding love. But here we are, navigating this unique situation together. Perhaps love really can be enough sometimes.
For more insights about this journey, check out our other blog post here. And if you’re considering starting a family, you might find useful information at Make a Mom or Women’s Health.
Summary:
This article reflects on the unexpected journey of being a 40-year-old mom in a long-distance relationship. Despite the challenges posed by distance and co-parenting with ex-partners, the love and connection between the author and their partner flourish. They navigate their relationship through monthly visits and technology, emphasizing that love can indeed overcome obstacles.
Keyphrase: Long-distance relationship at 40
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