Even in my mid-30s, I still find myself at the kids’ table during family gatherings—not because I’m there with my children (I don’t have any), but rather due to my affinity for playtime with the younger crowd. My sister often teases me, claiming my enthusiasm for playing with the kids has boxed me into the role of their playmate instead of being seen as an adult. And she’s not wrong. When a child wants to engage, I’m quick to drop to the floor, and before I know it, we’re engrossed in a fantastical game where I typically assume the role of a witch (thanks to my “pointy nose,” as many kids have pointed out). While I don’t always initiate these games, children have a knack for spotting an adult willing to join in their fun.
However, many adults feel they are awkward around children and claim they “don’t know how to play.” It’s true that kids can be challenging to read, but with a little guidance, most people can successfully engage with them. Here are some expert tips to help you get started.
You Already Know How to Play
If you doubt your play skills, remember that everyone has been a child at some point. “Every single person knows how to play because every single person was once a child,” states Dr. Maya Collins, a child development specialist and parenting author. “We often tell ourselves a story about being an adult that makes it seem awkward, but that’s just a narrative. Don’t let your self-doubt get in the way.” It’s perfectly fine to embrace silliness while playing; letting loose is part of the joy of engaging with children.
Follow the Child’s Lead
When unsure, drop down to the child’s eye level and let them guide the play—safely, of course. Dr. Jake Thompson, a child psychologist, emphasizes that engaging in their play while allowing them to take the lead is crucial. For instance, if a child wants to pretend to be a doctor, you can comfortably assume the role of the patient, asking questions to extend their imaginative play, like, “Why are you checking my heart?” This method not only makes the play enjoyable for the child but also promotes their learning and cognitive skills.
Tune in to What They Find Enjoyable
The more time you spend with a child, the better you’ll understand their preferences. Dr. Clara Greene, a pediatric expert, explains, “Fun is an essential motivator.” Joy and laughter help solidify the learning process, fostering cognitive development and attention in little brains eager for experiences. As you spend more time with them, you can introduce new activities based on what they enjoy.
If They’re Not Interested, Move On
Just because you loved certain games as a child doesn’t mean every kid will. If you suggest a game they don’t respond to, don’t force it. Dr. Collins advises recognizing body language—if a child turns away, it’s a clear sign they’re not interested. Instead, pick up on their cues and let their interests inspire your next move.
Observe Other Adults
If you feel lost, watching how other parents interact with their kids can provide valuable insights. Take note of the games they play and the questions they ask. If you’re still unsure, consider reaching out to developmental specialists who can demonstrate how to engage with children effectively.
Don’t Stress About Perfection
One common issue Dr. Thompson sees is adults stressing over the right way to play. Many have preconceived notions about what a child “should” be doing. Instead, being flexible and adapting to a child’s interests is a more effective approach. “Take a moment to breathe and appreciate the beauty of child development as it unfolds,” he suggests. You might be surprised by how remarkable it is.
In conclusion, engaging with children can initially feel daunting, but with a few strategies, you can turn playtime into a fun and enjoyable experience for both you and the child. If you’re looking for even more tips on engaging with children, check out our previous post here.