Updated: Sep. 28, 2020
Originally Published: Jan. 22, 2020
My son lost his dad on September 22, 2018. Just last week, a classmate made a hurtful comment that struck him hard.
How It Unfolded
During music class, a small group of kids worked together at the back of the room, away from the teacher’s watchful eye. My son noticed an abandoned recorder and asked, “Does anyone know whose recorder that is?” The response was a chorus of shrugs, except for one child.
“It must be your dad’s recorder,” the boy said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Oh, wait, I forgot. You don’t have a dad.”
My son’s heart sank. He held back tears, determined not to give his classmate the satisfaction of seeing him cry. The others around him fell silent, one even voicing, “That was really mean.” My son replied, “Seriously, dude?” and walked away, feeling defeated.
Just fifteen words. Those words altered my son’s life in an instant, leaving a lasting impression of pain and humiliation that he’s too young to fully comprehend. Despite the heartache of losing his father, my son is generally a cheerful kid. He often comes home with stories from his day, bubbling with excitement. “Mom, I scored a touchdown at recess!” or “Mom, I finished my lunch today!”
But that day was different. When he returned home, he was unusually quiet. I bombarded him with my usual questions, but he didn’t open up. That evening, he had a session with his grief therapist but kept the hurt to himself.
A Disturbing Revelation
The following day, I learned what had happened, not from him, but from another student who witnessed the incident. He was so disturbed by the remark that he confided in his mom, who reached out to me.
I can’t recall the last time I cried that hard. Just when I thought I had experienced the depths of sorrow during my mother’s funeral, this new wave hit me. My best friend called at that moment, and I could barely speak through my tears. The cruelty of that child’s comment ripped through me; I could only imagine how deeply it affected my sweet boy.
Fourth grade will sadly be marked in my son’s memory as the year when a peer callously targeted him for having a deceased father.
A Call to Action for Parents
To all parents: please educate your children about the impact of their words. Mocking someone for losing a parent is not just wrong; it’s devastating. Grief is an ongoing part of my son’s life, and he’s still navigating the complexities of it only a year after his loss.
Moreover, encourage your kids to stand up for others. If not for the bravery of my son’s friend, I might never have known about the hurtful comment. My son feared I would “lose it” if he told me, which, unfortunately, was true.
Promote kindness. Acknowledge empathy. Support those who speak up against bullying. Engage in conversations about grief.
Many children like my son are walking around with the weight of loss, smiling through the pain that their peers may not understand. They struggle with feelings of isolation, especially during projects that highlight family. It’s crucial we see these kids and advocate for them—kids like mine.
Further Reading
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Conclusion
In summary, our children need to learn compassion and the impact of their words, especially when it comes to sensitive topics like grief. Together, we can foster a more understanding and supportive environment for those who have lost loved ones.
Keyphrase: “children coping with loss”
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