At a recent family gathering for my grandmother, I found myself reconnecting with cousins and childhood friends I hadn’t seen in nearly a decade. As I entered with two of my four children, multiple parents couldn’t help but comment on how much they had grown. They quickly pivoted to share stories of their own kids, now in their teenage years or young adulthood.
With an intensity that made me feel a shiver, they all directed their warnings toward my tween daughter. “Just wait,” they said, lowering their voices dramatically, “until your kids are teenagers.” They recounted their experiences dealing with teenage angst, drinking, social media obsessions, and complicated romantic entanglements. My husband and I exchanged that knowing glance that long-time partners share, a silent acknowledgment that we needed to unpack this later.
On our ride home, we reflected on those conversations. Is parenting teenagers really as daunting as everyone claims? Here we are, managing four kids, including two tweens, and let me tell you, it’s no cakewalk.
Perhaps it’s the sheer number of kids we have. Or maybe it’s just the chaos that comes with raising two tweens, a first grader, and a toddler. Each day seems to throw us a new challenge. Why do so many seasoned parents warn us about the trials of the teen years—years we should apparently dread—yet overlook the tumultuous journey of the tween phase? Where’s the public service announcement on navigating the ages of 9 to 12? Better yet, where’s the education class or support group for those of us in the thick of it?
So, what makes raising tweens so tough?
Let’s start with puberty. Girls often begin this journey between 9 and 13, while boys follow suit from 10 to 14. Those hormone shifts alone could lead to a plethora of parent-child discussions—or a hefty supply of wine for the parents. Pair that with the introduction of cell phones, and it’s enough to send any parent over the edge. The rise of social media is linked to increased anxiety and depression among kids, meaning we’re not just discussing body changes; we’re also tackling mental health.
Then there’s the academic pressure. Schoolwork becomes significantly more complex—and stressful—during the late elementary and middle school years. Don’t get me started on the mountain of homework and the lack of recess. While the goal is to prepare kids for college, it feels excessive to load 10-year-olds with so much.
And let’s address the questions. My tweens have asked me how long sex lasts. Um, how do I even navigate that? There’s no handbook for some of these bedtime inquiries, which always seem to pop up when I’m already exhausted. But I’m committed to having these open discussions rather than leaving them to their peers on the playground.
However, it’s not all doom and gloom. Parenting tweens offers some delightful moments. These kids, caught between childhood and their teenage years, still enjoy some child-like activities. My tweens will occasionally indulge in playing with dolls, action figures, or coloring books, especially when their younger siblings are around. They still enjoy spending time with family members, and they haven’t yet entered the phase where everyone except their close friends is “uncool.” Sometimes, they even opt for “childish” movies, reminiscing about their younger days.
There are also still ample opportunities to instill values—they often listen and respond to lessons in manners, resilience, and choosing friendships wisely. Tweens are still on the path of discovering their passions and might dabble in various extracurricular activities.
I cherish that we’ve moved past diapers, bottles, and potty training. I’ve sent three kids off to kindergarten without it being a catastrophe. I only need to buckle my toddler into the car, as my older ones can do it themselves. They can make their own PB&J sandwiches, shower independently, and operate the TV remote. There’s a certain beauty in their growing independence.
I view parenting tweens as a privilege. They possess a captivating curiosity about the world. I’m still cool enough for hugs and goodnight kisses, but I can feel them starting to pull away, crafting their own identities as they inch toward their teenage years. Am I apprehensive? A little. I recall my own teenage years and can only prepare for the karma that may come my way.
I wish more experienced parents would share their insights on the tween stage rather than merely instilling fear about the teenage years ahead. Tweenhood is a time for parents to grow alongside their children, and we could all use a little encouragement. Now, excuse me while I panic and Google vaping statistics.
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In summary, parenting tweens presents its own unique challenges and joys. While the looming teenage years might seem daunting, there is still much to appreciate and learn during this transitional phase.
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