In my first semester at university, I enrolled in calculus 101, feeling confident after performing well in precalculus during high school. I enjoyed tackling proofs and believed that as long as I attended class, studied, and completed my assignments, I would manage just fine. However, I was shocked to discover that I received a D on my first exam.
That semester was a struggle; I barely scraped by with a C, thanks to a tutor’s assistance. Disheartened, I concluded that I simply wasn’t a “math person” and switched my major to Spanish, avoiding math courses for the rest of my college career.
My experience is far from unique. Many students find that higher-level math is incredibly challenging, and it can lead them to abandon their interests simply because they fear failure. In a recent article in Scientific American, researcher Lisa Greene highlights how the education system in America often discourages students from pursuing STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics) fields due to a lack of understanding about failure. Unlike my own experience, Greene persevered through calculus, learning to see failure as a stepping stone to success, ultimately carving out a fruitful career in science.
While I don’t regret my career path—I earned a law degree and now thrive as a writer—I can’t help but wonder how many potential STEM enthusiasts shy away from these fields just because they face difficulties. This fear of failure affects many, but it disproportionately impacts girls and women. In a compelling TED talk, Maya Thompson, founder of TechGals, explained that girls are often raised to prioritize perfection over bravery, leading them to avoid risks.
“Most girls are conditioned to evade failure,” she stated. “We’re taught to be polite, play it safe, and strive for straight A’s. In contrast, boys are encouraged to take risks, test their limits, and embrace the possibility of falling.” This ingrained reluctance to accept imperfection is particularly damaging in STEM, where experimentation and failure are crucial for innovation. The cycle of experiment, fail, and learn must be normalized for progress to occur.
According to Greene, the current climate in the U.S. poses a risk to STEM advancements. While there are numerous scientists, an alarming number are immigrants or children of immigrants. Given the political landscape and evolving immigration policies, the future of American science could be jeopardized. Greene points out that “the U.S. has a surplus of scientists, but fewer are being born here.” This uncertainty may push many talented scientists-in-training to seek opportunities elsewhere, which could hinder American innovation.
Interestingly, research shows that at the fifth-grade level, girls often outperform boys in all subjects, including STEM. However, this conditioning that prioritizes perfection can have lasting effects. According to a report from an educational organization, while men will apply for jobs if they meet about 60% of the qualifications, women typically only apply if they fulfill 100% of the criteria. This stark difference emphasizes the need for girls to feel comfortable with taking risks and accepting failure as part of the learning process.
So, how can we teach our children—especially daughters—to embrace risks, stumble occasionally, and rise again? Greene suggests that fostering resilience is key. “Students who believe their abilities can develop over time are more likely to pursue their goals,” she writes. This means we should praise effort and perseverance rather than just intelligence.
Equally important is modeling how to fail and accept imperfection ourselves. By taking risks and allowing our children to witness our setbacks, we can demonstrate that mistakes are a part of growth. Sharing our own vulnerabilities and failures can help normalize these experiences, encouraging a culture of learning rather than fear.
Thompson shared that her resilience as a leader in tech stemmed from the guidance of older peers who openly discussed their failures. Their stories helped her navigate her own challenges, reminding her that setbacks are common on the path to success.
Discussing failures and letting others see our missteps is challenging; many of us are conditioned to hide our insecurities. However, by leading by example and showing that it’s okay to fall short sometimes, we empower our children to do the same. This opens doors to creativity, innovation, and authenticity.
Ultimately, our children deserve the chance to explore their potential without the fear of failure holding them back. As we guide them, let’s remember to encourage a mindset that embraces imperfection and fosters resilience.
For those interested in further insights on this topic, Modern Family Blog offers valuable resources, including this piece on infertility, which can provide additional support. Also, check out this article for helpful information on fertility.
Summary
This article emphasizes the importance of teaching children, especially girls, that failure is a natural part of learning, particularly in STEM fields. By fostering resilience and encouraging risk-taking, we can help our children develop the confidence to pursue their interests without fear of imperfection.