There’s a common misconception that using a sound machine in a child’s bedroom is detrimental, as some believe it fosters dependency on specific sleep conditions. A friend once insisted that children should adapt to the natural sounds of the home to become better sleepers. I responded that until he experiences the frenzy of parenting, where every tool is fair game in the pursuit of sleep, he could keep his opinions to himself. I wasn’t resorting to drastic measures; I was simply creating a calming, predictable environment.
Part of that environment includes lying down with my children until they doze off at night. I’ve long stopped worrying about whether this creates a “bad habit.” Instead, I see it as an opportunity to nurture emotional bonds in our busy lives.
When my first child, Lily, was born, I was overwhelmed and lacked a clear parenting philosophy. I was constantly seeking guidance from books and online parenting groups, desperate to adhere to some idealized rules while also trying to attune to Lily’s needs. She was generally an easygoing child, but I struggled to help her sleep independently. After transitioning to a toddler bed, she often refused to stay in her room after being tucked in. Eventually, my ex-partner and I found ourselves lying down with her to help her drift off.
At first, I felt guilty, as if I were somehow failing her by not enforcing independence. But then, when my twins, Max and Emma, came along, I shifted my approach. Parenting became about survival and flexibility, and I let go of my self-doubt. I began to relish those quiet moments snuggled up together at night; I wasn’t failing — I was fostering connection.
Now, at almost nine years old, Lily still enjoys my company during her bedtime routine. With Max and Emma, now six, I share their beds, too. After reading stories, we turn off the lights, settle under the covers, and share a peaceful silence. They often recount their day or express their excitement about upcoming events. Sometimes, they simply want to nestle against me and fall asleep. In these moments, we find joy and serenity amidst the chaos of daily life.
Our days are often filled with noise, sibling squabbles, and the hurried pace of life. Yet, as the pre-bedtime chaos subsides, we create a cozy sanctuary together. Occasionally, I doze off as well, but I set an alarm to avoid oversleeping. Both my ex-partner and I recognize that our nighttime routine, while creating a bond, doesn’t strictly fit into categories like co-sleeping or attachment parenting — but we embrace it nonetheless.
Research supports the idea that lying down with your children can enhance emotional security without hindering their development. A study by Stony Brook University School of Medicine explored the sleep habits of 944 low-income families and found that co-sleeping had no significant negative or positive impact on children’s cognitive and behavioral growth.
Ultimately, do what feels right for you and your child. I cherish those moments of bonding and the comfort they bring to both me and my kids. Whether it’s lying down together or using a sound machine, these practices help us connect and find peace in our busy lives.
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In summary, lying down with kids at bedtime is not a bad habit; it’s a meaningful way to foster connection and security in a chaotic world. The quiet moments spent together can strengthen our relationships and create lasting memories.
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