It’s 4:21 in the morning, and my toddler, Alex, cries out for the eighth time that night. My five-year-old, Mia, is curled up on the other side of the bed, where my partner, Ryan, has taken refuge in an attempt to catch a few hours of sleep. I relent and take Alex to the couch, where I turn on The Incredibles 2 (our daily go-to), hand her some snacks, and dream of a moment of peace back in bed.
Before long, Alex returns, hungry and demanding my company on the couch. Naturally, Mia wakes up now too, and suddenly it’s 5 a.m. again. By 6:30 a.m., I’m considering a third cup of coffee, but I hold off, hoping that maybe today will be the day Alex actually naps, allowing me a chance to rest as well. What a lovely thought!
The saying goes that it takes a village to raise a child, but what happens when that village isn’t there? You become that village. You are the two people in your child’s life who are responsible for everything: food, love, shelter, playtime, sleep, and every other aspect of their existence. Our family has moved frequently due to work and our shared love for skiing, making it tough to establish lasting friendships or find trustworthy babysitters. Feeling overwhelmed yet?
When you are the village, “me-time” is a foreign concept. Date nights are non-existent, and friends aren’t available to break the monotony. Exhaustion can feel suffocating, and your biggest wish becomes a full night of uninterrupted sleep. You start to fantasize about it, only to realize that it’s just a dream. The reality sets in that you’ll be up at some point during the night, and the mere thought of it keeps you awake, overtired, anticipating the next cry.
We live a lifestyle that diverges from societal norms. We tied the knot last year after being together for seven years and welcoming two children in that time. We don’t own a home or have traditional careers with benefits, nor do we have a family member nearby to lean on during tough times. In the past eight years, we’ve moved eleven times across nine cities in Canada, five of which we spent with children in tow.
It’s human nature to dwell on what you lack, and that constant fixation can take over your thoughts, leading you to chase after the so-called “normal” life that society tells you to aspire to. But we need to break this cycle. Focusing on what we don’t have robs us of the present moment and can trap us in regret over past choices or anxiety about future consequences. While reflection is essential for growth, it must be coupled with action; otherwise, it leads to stagnation and discontent.
Let’s shift our perspective. If we were to toss our problems into a pot, we’d likely pull out our same dilemmas after seeing what others face. Seriously. When we redirect our attention to what we do have and the positive aspects of our lives, the internal chaos settles, and we can begin to appreciate our choices. This is our life, and that’s perfectly acceptable. If we’re unhappy with our decisions, it’s up to us to reassess and initiate the changes we desire. No one else can do this for us—not our children, partners, or friends.
This realization has been transformative for us. We’ve begun to focus on our current situation instead of feeling “stuck.” We can take pride in the resilience we’ve developed while raising our kids almost solely on our own, exploring some of Canada’s most stunning landscapes, and managing our own businesses. My relationship with Ryan is passionate in multiple ways—parenting, partnership, and business. The village we’ve built is each other and our children, and that is something to celebrate.
As the village, you face a choice: wallow in exhaustion and overwhelm, or recognize the incredible strength found in your journey. I admit, some days it’s tough to see the bright side. I’ve stumbled too many times to count, often feeling lost in the chaos of motherhood, questioning my purpose while juggling responsibilities for everyone else. It’s easy to feel like you’re drowning.
Yet, parenthood transforms your life in profound ways. Instead of lamenting the past or mourning lost freedom, focus on what you can do in your current circumstances to uplift yourself. Celebrate small victories. Acknowledge your children’s progress and trust that your efforts are paying off. This phase won’t last forever, so even though it feels insurmountable at times, embrace it and own it.
It’s time to choose gratitude for the life we have and recognize that it could always be more challenging. Reject societal standards as measures of success. Everyone plays different hands in life, and how you play your cards can determine your outcome. If you’re dealt a great hand at Crazy Eights but keep trying to play Poker, you won’t win. Find a way to work with what you’ve got. Play the game, make necessary changes to feel fulfilled, and shift your mindset to change your actions and ultimately your life.
For more insights on navigating this journey, check out our other blog post at Home Insemination Kit. For those interested in boosting fertility, Make a Mom offers great resources. Additionally, Mayo Clinic provides excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
In a world where support systems may be lacking, you have the power to become your own village. By shifting your perspective and focusing on what you do have, you can find strength in your journey of parenthood. Embrace the life you’re living, celebrate small victories, and recognize that change is possible through your own actions.
Keyphrase: Becoming Your Own Village in Parenthood
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