Updated: Jan. 16, 2020
Originally Published: Jan. 11, 2020
From a young age, my eldest son, Jake, has been a deeply sensitive and emotional kid. He’s an empath who absorbs the feelings of those around him, and with that sensitivity has come a tendency toward explosive reactions. It’s as if the weight of his emotions manifests as a quick temper. Frustration can set in quickly, and he often reacts before taking a moment to breathe.
I’ve seen him transition from a frustrated child to a young man who, at just 13, discovered that hitting walls and doors can provide a temporary release—albeit a destructive one.
Just before last Christmas, Jake faced the frustrating task of activating his new debit card through an automated system that lacked any semblance of understanding. I’ve had my own meltdowns in similar situations, but how we express our frustrations is worlds apart. When he asked me to activate the card for him, I refused, fully aware that doing so might lead to some property damage. I’ve learned that enabling him only leads to more outbursts, so I stood firm.
“Calm down and give it another shot,” I told him, watching the color rise in his cheeks. I encouraged him, saying he was capable of figuring it out, but he ended up throwing his phone to the ground in frustration. I reminded him of his maturity—he’s old enough to work and drive, after all. But instead of succeeding, he stormed upstairs, and I soon heard the familiar sound of a door cracking.
For a split second, I felt the urge to lash out myself, but I knew better. This wasn’t our first rodeo, and I refused to throw gasoline on the fire. After taking some time to cool off, he eventually succeeded in activating his card.
Instead of simply “dealing” with his temper, I realized I needed to support him in managing it. I’ve adopted a different approach: instead of yelling or coddling him, I’ve started implementing appropriate consequences. After he broke his bedroom door, I called a handyman for repairs, and Jake covered the cost. No one damages property without owning up to it.
I encourage him to take three deep breaths when he feels that anger rising. Most of the time, he’s taken to this advice, though not always. Additionally, I enrolled him in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, where he’s learning to navigate his intense feelings by focusing on self-care, like eating well, sleeping enough, and understanding how certain types of music can affect his mood.
Jake recognizes his temper and the potential consequences of it. While he has never directed his anger toward people, the risk of him unintentionally hurting himself or damaging something remains a concern. I refuse to make it easy for him to act out by fearing his reactions. I’m focused on teaching him to cope and manage his feelings constructively, so he can thrive in the real world.
Gone are the days when yelling or hovering over him seemed like effective strategies. They didn’t work for either of us. His explosive outbursts have become rare, but when they do happen, I don’t let him off the hook. This month, instead of purchasing the new sneakers he wanted, his paycheck will go toward repairing the door he damaged, followed by an afternoon spent painting it.
While I cannot guarantee that these challenges won’t arise again, I can see that he is genuinely remorseful. He doesn’t want to lose his temper any more than I want him to. He needs my guidance as he learns to handle his emotions better—without me raising my voice or suggesting there’s something wrong with him.
My ultimate goal is to raise a young man who understands the importance of self-control in difficult situations and knows that he is responsible for any damage he causes. For me, this doesn’t involve yelling or punishing him; it’s about helping him navigate this journey in the best way I can. After all, those previous methods only served to intensify his anger.
In the meantime, if you’re looking for helpful resources on pregnancy and home insemination, you can check out this guide on home insemination kits, or listen to discussions on IVF and fertility at Cleveland Clinic Podcasts. You might also find this article on inclusive sizing insightful.
Summary:
Navigating my son Jake’s fiery temper has been a journey of learning and growth. Instead of merely managing his outbursts, I’ve chosen to empower him to cope with his emotions effectively. Through consequences and therapy, he’s learning accountability and self-regulation. This approach not only helps him understand his feelings but also encourages responsible behavior, ultimately guiding him toward maturity.
Keyphrase: how to manage a teenager’s temper
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]