Updated: Jan. 9, 2020
Originally Published: Jan. 7, 2020
I’m the worst mother and the best mother all at once. I oscillate between being a chaotic mess and a nurturing angel. I relish the joys of motherhood, yet often find myself loathing the demands of parenting—these are two distinct experiences; the former is an action, while the latter is a state of being.
Just this morning, my kids surprised me with breakfast in bed while my youngest entertained me with a tune on his silly piano. Those moments capture the essence of motherhood: relishing the love and humor they bring into my life.
But then there are days when I’m frantically researching emetophobia—an intense fear of vomiting—because my youngest has developed a paralyzing anxiety about it, to the point of refusing food. The weight of concern for his health and future is overwhelming. Meanwhile, my older son is glued to his screens, lost in a world of YouTube and gaming, and I’m left questioning whether this is typical behavior or a cause for alarm. How much screen time is too much?
It’s easy to feel like I’m losing my grip. This constant tug-of-war between love and anxiety has become my new normal. Motherhood reshapes everything: our bodies, our feelings, and our sense of identity. The self-perception we once held starts to unravel. It often feels like a struggle, a heavy burden to bear.
The questions never cease: Am I doing this right? Am I failing? My oldest is that curious child who questions everything. “Why do I have to go to bed early?” “Why can’t I play video games?” Each inquiry gnaws at my confidence, making me wonder if my rules are misguided.
At times, motherhood can feel unbearably isolating. It’s as if we’re alone in our struggles, and admitting our challenges can feel like confessing to a great failure as a parent. We find ourselves shying away from social gatherings, fearing that sharing our worries will expose us as inadequate. The nagging thought persists: Am I good enough?
Despite my accomplishments—a Master’s degree, a successful copywriting business, a published book, and homeownership—I often feel like that insecure young girl unsure of her place in the world, especially when it comes to parenting.
How is it that the mundane aspects of motherhood can feel so daunting? I understand that the constant mental load, the fatigue, and the steep learning curve can drain my spirit. Yet, every time I look at my boys, I feel that beautiful mix of love and gratitude battling against my doubts.
This morning, as I listened to my youngest play “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” on the silly piano and watched my older son present me with a drawing of myself wearing a crown, my heart swelled. Motherhood is challenging because I genuinely care about my kids, and that’s what makes me a good mother, even on the days I feel like I’m failing.
The complex feelings that accompany motherhood—loving your child while occasionally struggling to like them—are completely normal. In fact, they signify that you care deeply. You’re not alone in this; many mothers share these feelings.
So, I’ll savor those rare moments when motherhood isn’t a struggle, using them to recharge for the other 99%. I’ll continue to care because that’s the best gift I can offer to these little beings I cherish.
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Summary
Motherhood is a complex experience filled with love, anxiety, and self-doubt. It’s a balancing act of joy and struggle, where every moment of happiness is shadowed by worries about parenting choices. The journey can be isolating, but recognizing that many mothers feel similarly can offer solace. Ultimately, the love for our children provides the strength to navigate the challenges of motherhood.
Keyphrase: motherhood challenges
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