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Parenting
By Janelle Thompson
Updated: Dec. 27, 2019
Originally Published: Dec. 27, 2019
The remark came, naturally, when my partner was out of earshot. My kids were buzzing with excitement over their Advent calendar, which we enjoy for the countdown to Christmas, even though we don’t celebrate it in a religious sense. “You really should take those kids to church,” my mom whispered sharply.
“No, I absolutely don’t,” I shot back.
“Yes, you do,” she insisted.
“Really, I don’t,” I reiterated. She fell silent, perhaps realizing that two rounds of this debate were plenty, and pushing further might earn her a snappy response.
Since we distanced ourselves from the Catholic Church, I’ve been bombarded with suggestions: I “must” take my kids to church, even if I don’t want to go myself. Some suggest Episcopalian, others Lutheran, or even Unitarianism. I even considered the Quakers for a bit. Growing up with the belief that skipping Mass could lead to dire consequences instilled a sense of obligation to be present somewhere on Sundays. But here’s the kicker: you really don’t have to.
My children are thriving without any religious teachings. They don’t need to believe in a figure on a cross to learn the importance of kindness and compassion toward others. From what I can see, these two concepts aren’t inherently linked. I don’t feel the necessity to instill beliefs I, as an agnostic, don’t hold. Instead, we engage in discussions about ethics, right and wrong, and the choices made by notable historical figures—what they did and why. We dissect the choices of their friends, too.
There’s no need for a weekly dose of religion for my kids to develop sound ethical values. They don’t go to church to discuss these topics. Last I checked, sermons often revolve around riddles and parables that are far removed from a child’s understanding and can be difficult to relate to their everyday lives.
Attending church usually means one of two frustrating scenarios. Either my kids endure a lengthy service that bores them to tears while being completely disconnected from their experiences, or they’re sent off to a “Sunday School” class with strangers, where they are separated by age and might face adults untrained in understanding their specific needs.
My children all have ADHD, which means their behavior can sometimes be misconstrued as defiant when, in fact, it stems from their neurodivergence. The few times we’ve attempted to attend church, we’ve received judgmental looks as if we were terrible parents because our kids weren’t conforming to typical behavior expectations. So, think about that next time you’re comfortably seated in your pew, reflecting on divine acceptance.
And let’s be real: the logistics of getting to church are a workout in themselves. I have to wake up early, rouse my kids, prepare breakfast, get us all dressed, and pray we arrive on time—while also maintaining peace in the car. The effort is overwhelming, and honestly? They’d learn more about colorful language than any spiritual lesson. The real sacrifice? Waking up early on a Sunday instead of enjoying a leisurely morning with pancakes from a fast-food joint.
Many churches are also divided along racial lines, which isn’t great. There’s often a divide in social class, language, and ethnicity as well. If you seek diversity, you won’t find it in most churches. Our local peace resource network and the Food Not Bombs initiative offer far more varied communities. Of course, there are exceptions, and I know some will argue otherwise in the comments, but this is what I’ve observed.
Ultimately, my children are growing up just fine without religious indoctrination. They share an incredible bond and care for one another deeply. We engage in discussions about real social justice issues—like the response to the AIDS crisis—focusing on tangible actions we can take to help those in need in our community. They witness me making mats for the homeless rather than singing hymns to a deity whose existence remains uncertain.
We instill in them that their purpose is to improve the lives of others and to leave the world a better place than they found it. They don’t need church for that. So yes, I will be sleeping in on Sundays, Mom.
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In summary, my kids are thriving without religious instruction. They are kind and compassionate, grounded in ethics rather than dogma. Our conversations about social justice and helping others shape their understanding of purpose far more effectively than any church service could.
Keyphrase: “parenting without religion”
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