I encountered a profound lesson when a preschool teacher decided to give up on my son, who has special needs. My youngest child, Ethan, received an autism diagnosis just before his third birthday, but we sensed his uniqueness well before that. From the moment he entered the world, he has danced to his own rhythm, and we feel fortunate to experience life through his perspective.
This year marked Ethan’s entry into part-time preschool at a quaint private school, where he learns letters, shapes, colors, and numbers. More importantly, he is learning to interact in a group, follow instructions, and express his needs independently.
At first, things didn’t go smoothly. After just four days in his initial classroom, the teacher requested his transfer to another class. From what I gathered, he was cheerful, friendly, and intelligent. The only notable “issue” was his struggle to remain seated like his peers. When overwhelmed, he would explore the room, which understandably frustrated her.
I could empathize to some extent; explaining special needs to preschoolers can be challenging. They might not grasp that their friend has different needs and may require some flexibility in rules. But a larger part of me wanted to shout, “What did you expect?!”
First off, he’s three! Surely, he can’t be the only little one who finds it hard to sit still. Secondly, you were aware of his autism before he even stepped foot in your classroom. I clearly communicated how his autism manifests. He’s verbal but doesn’t always engage in conversation, which isn’t problematic if you understand beforehand. The only real accommodation he requires is the freedom to take a break if things become overwhelming. That’s all. His teacher had promised me she would support him, aiming for his success.
However, she gave up on him after a mere four days without giving me a heads-up. The director moved him to a different classroom without my knowledge, and by the time I found out, Ethan had already spent the afternoon in a setting I was completely unaware of. Her sole complaint was that he required what I had previously outlined. I never got a chance to help her manage him. Since he was a bit challenging, she opted to remove him.
This decision broke my heart. Would this be the beginning of a lifetime filled with individuals unwilling to invest the extra effort to understand my son? I spent the weekend agonizing over whether he should continue attending school. Was it too early? Did I underestimate his potential? Was I failing as a mother? This has been my greatest fear since his diagnosis. I desperately wanted to make the right choice for him, but I felt lost.
In the end, my partner encouraged me to approach the situation with calmness and optimism. We would tackle the next school day with open minds. Perhaps the new classroom would be precisely what he needed. If not, he never had to return.
Thank goodness we decided to trust our instincts. The next morning, Ethan dashed past his old classroom and into the new one. He embraced his new teachers as soon as he saw them and began exploring his surroundings. They had already prepared a name tag, a cubby, and a coat hook for him, while warmly welcoming him and expressing their excitement about having him in class. Within just one afternoon, he had captured their hearts. They were amazed at how much he already knew about letters, colors, shapes, and numbers.
How did they manage to discover so much in just one day? At that moment, I realized they were genuinely devoted to my child and willing to invest the time necessary to understand him.
Since then, he hasn’t had a single bad day. For the past three months, he has eagerly run into their welcoming arms every morning. I’ve spent time in their classroom, and they treat Ethan like any other student. They recognize his special needs, but only address them when he indicates it’s necessary. Otherwise, he’s just one of the group, rising to the occasion.
On those rare days when he feels overwhelmed by a bustling event, they notice and help him find a quieter place to regroup. They don’t mind if he needs a moment to wander, script, or sing. They understand he will return.
His teachers truly get him. This experience taught me an invaluable lesson about parenting a child with differences. Sometimes, people won’t want to understand him, and that reality is painful. Right now, he is too young to grasp exclusion, so it primarily impacts me. One day, he will understand, and it will hurt him too. I know I will always feel anger and sadness when I see him struggle to fit in.
Unfortunately, this pain is unavoidable. I hope that as awareness around autism grows, more individuals will dedicate themselves to inclusion. As he matures, I wish for him to find spaces where he feels accepted. I will always strive to help him discover those places. The world often presents round holes, while my son is a square peg.
This experience reminded me of the importance of processing my emotions, allowing them their space, and then choosing to set them aside. I must see beyond my pain and fierce love for him to make rational decisions focused solely on what is best for Ethan. If I had reacted impulsively and removed him from school at the first sign of injustice, he would have missed out on this wonderful year with teachers and friends who genuinely care for him.
I cannot let my fear of painful experiences dictate his life. There are many fantastic individuals, like his current teachers, who will see him for who he is. They will recognize his intelligence, kindness, humor, and willingness to learn. They will be eager to understand his unique needs and won’t abandon him simply because he approaches things differently.
In the end, Ethan found his place. His first teacher lost more than she realizes; she will never know how fortunate she could have been to connect with him.
For more insights into parenting a child with special needs, check out this related blog post to broaden your understanding. If you’re considering various options for family planning, you might also find information from trusted sources like Make a Mom and WebMD useful.
Summary:
Parenting a child with autism comes with unique challenges, especially when faced with exclusion in educational settings. After a difficult initial experience with a dismissive teacher, Ethan found a supportive environment where he could thrive. The importance of understanding, patience, and advocacy in creating inclusive spaces for children with special needs is crucial.
Keyphrase: autism in preschool
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