There’s a remarkable 24-year difference between my first child, my daughter, and my twin girls. That’s right, twenty-four years—not just a few months. I became a mother at 18, and when my eldest left home, I decided to embark on the parenting journey once more. Fast forward to when I was 42, and I welcomed my twins into the world. (Fun fact: my oldest now has a daughter, which meant I experienced the unique situation of being a pregnant grandma at one point! But that’s a story for another time). I navigated motherhood in the 1990s with my first child and now find myself parenting again in the 2010s.
When people discover that I have essentially raised two generations of children, the first question they ask (after expressing wonder about my life choices) is, “What’s the biggest difference between then and now?” The answer is straightforward—the internet has drastically influenced my parenting instincts.
During my first experience as a mom, I didn’t read any parenting articles or books. Back then, I relied heavily on my maternal instincts, no matter how flawed they may have been. My mother was my sole source of advice, often sharing her wisdom while smoking a Capri cigarette. While her guidance wasn’t always perfect, it worked for me; I turned out mostly okay, and so did my daughter, who grew into a wonderful young woman.
The second time around, however, was a completely different story. I thought, “Wow, I have access to the entire internet! This is incredible!” Before my twins even arrived, I found myself spending hours online searching for answers to questions like, “Why does my baby hiccup so much in the womb?” While my instincts might have suggested it was linked to something I ate or a sign of normal development, Dr. Google assured me that my babies were in grave danger, possibly with their cords wrapped around their necks. I even found myself in tears after a particularly frantic search, convinced something was wrong.
Despite my doctor’s advice to limit my internet use, I couldn’t help myself. After my twins were born, I dove headfirst into research. I downloaded numerous apps to track their feeding, diaper changes, and developmental milestones. I became so reliant on online information that I lost touch with my intuition. By the time they were just two months old, I was paralyzed by the overwhelming amount of information, questioning my maternal instincts entirely.
To be fair, the internet brought some positive experiences, such as connecting with other amazing twin moms and finding deals on useful baby gear, like my running stroller from Craigslist. However, the abundance of judgment, conflicting advice, and worst-case scenarios made it easy to spiral into anxiety and self-doubt. Eventually, I had to take a step back and breathe, realizing that a balance exists somewhere in the middle.
If you want to protect your mommy instincts from being swallowed by the digital void, here are some tips:
Filter Out Judgment
I had never heard of concepts like “mommy wars” or “mom shaming” until I immersed myself in the internet during pregnancy. While judgmental individuals have always existed, back in my day, they were often just your Great Aunt Edna, disapprovingly shaking her head when you picked up your crying baby too quickly. Now, that same voice has multiplied online, echoing louder than ever. The truth is, no one has all the answers; we’re all just trying to navigate this parenting journey together.
Acknowledge Conflicting Advice
Beyond the judgment lies a sea of conflicting advice. You’ll encounter recommendations to carry your baby everywhere, while others insist it will hinder their independence. Co-sleeping is touted as beneficial, yet others warn against it. For every piece of advice, there seems to be an equally opposing view. I’ve tried nearly everything, and they all have varying degrees of success depending on who you are and what feels right for your family. Focus on what works for you and ignore the noise.
Avoid Catastrophic Thinking
Once you start searching for answers, it’s easy to spiral into catastrophic scenarios. I remember once worrying that a small blemish on my baby’s cheek could lead to serious health issues. It’s essential to recognize that while some conditions need urgent attention, not every little thing is a crisis. Limit your online searches and consult your doctor with any genuine concerns.
Steer Clear of Comments Sections
Whatever you do, stay away from the comments sections. They are a breeding ground for judgment, conflicting advice, and catastrophic thinking. I’ve lost countless hours getting sucked into these discussions, emerging disoriented and frustrated. Just trust me on this one—no good can come from engaging in these online debates.
Trust Your Instincts
This may be the hardest step, but it’s crucial to trust your gut. It’s easy to second-guess yourself, but when you need reassurance, reach out to your trusted support network, either online or in person. Remember, your instincts are there for a reason.
These days, I still look things up online, but I take everything I read with a grain of salt. Nowadays, I often rely on my intuition. Occasionally, I even call my mom for advice. Despite her being out of touch with current parenting trends, her wisdom still resonates. I can almost hear her take a deep drag from her Capri before saying, “Honey, it’s just a phase. They’ll grow out of it. Trust your instincts.” While it might not solve all my problems, it reassures me that I’m not alone. My instincts, like my mom’s advice, come from love, and that’s what matters most.
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In summary, parenting across two generations has taught me that while the internet can be a valuable resource, it can also cloud your judgment. It’s essential to find the right balance by filtering out judgment, recognizing conflicting information, avoiding catastrophic thinking, steering clear of comments sections, and ultimately trusting your instincts.
Keyphrase: Internet’s Impact on Parenting
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