When my children were infants, my circle of mom friends was vast. Their names flowed easily: Lisa, Jenna, Tasha, and Mia, along with Sarah, Kelly, and a couple of more Lisas. We met in parenting classes, exchanged tips during babywearing sessions, and made plans for playdates or just some much-needed adult time at the park. Our conversations revolved around the latest baby milestones and sleep struggles.
But as the years rolled on, those friendships faded. Some friends moved away, while others simply drifted apart. The connections that once felt so solid became mere echoes of shared Thanksgivings and laughter over my son’s misadventures with their pets. Now, despite living in the same city, the calls and texts have dwindled to almost nothing.
In an insightful piece in Motherwell Magazine, author Emma Reed reflects on a similar experience. Her baby mom BFFs have transformed into acquaintances she sees every few months, even the one who lives just down the street. She feels replaced, not by another friend, but by a relentless “to-do list,” and she’s longing for friendships that transcend the realm of motherhood. She desires connections with people who recognize her identity beyond being just a mom.
Looking back, I realize those friendships were crucial during my early parenting days. I still need that sense of community, but my needs have evolved as I’ve grown more confident in my parenting skills. Now, I seek friendships that nurture my individuality rather than solely focusing on my role as a mother.
There’s a significant distinction in this evolution. For instance, my mom friends and I all embraced a similar parenting philosophy, which was comforting at the time. However, those shared values no longer bring us together. I find myself unaware of their tastes in music, favorite shows, or even their educational backgrounds.
As life progresses, our needs shift, and so do our friendships. While I once relied heavily on mom friends, it seems the natural course was to drift apart as our children grew.
Today, I cultivate a different kind of friendship. The circle is smaller, and many are male. These friends seldom engage in discussions about my kids, although they acknowledge them and share a fondness. These connections uplift me as an individual, focusing on my interests and passions rather than my parenting role.
With these new friends, conversations delve into topics that matter to me. I sought them out intentionally, rekindling friendships from my past and discovering new ones. I often find myself enjoying a drink in a friend’s garage or sharing laughter over our favorite shows—conversations that matter, conversations that don’t revolve around kids.
Many of these friends also engage with politics, a subject my former mom friends rarely touched on. At the time, I overlooked that disconnect because I desperately needed support for parenting challenges. Now that I’ve moved past those, I crave different discussions.
I also connect with friends I’ve met online, where we share interests like writing, favorite TV shows, and passions that fuel my spirit. My closest confidants now include a high school buddy living miles away and a witty friend from Indiana with whom I share daily phone conversations—never about my kids.
These friendships focus on who I am as a person, not just as a mother. They notice when I go quiet for a few days, checking in to see if I’m alright. My mom friends, however, have drifted to the point where they no longer understand the nuances of my life.
Life brings change, and our friendships must adapt to our evolving needs. While I once required the support of mom friends, the drift was likely inevitable as our children matured. We can either cling to those past connections and seek common ground beyond parenting or venture out to find new friends who nourish our souls and prioritize us as individuals.
I’m thankful for my non-mom friends. Sure, I still greet other moms at the playground and engage in light conversation about our kids, but they no longer define my social life. I need friends who recognize the person I am, not just the mother I’ve become.
Thank goodness I’ve discovered them.
For more insights on navigating friendships during motherhood, check out this related blog post. If you’re interested in home insemination, resources like Cryobaby at Home Insemination Kit and Cleveland Clinic’s IUI Guide are excellent places to start.
Summary
As children grow, the need for different types of friendships becomes apparent. It’s essential to seek connections that nurture our individual identities beyond motherhood. While past friendships with mom friends were invaluable, evolving needs call for deeper connections that foster personal growth and understanding.
Keyphrase
More Than Mom Friends
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