Using the Heartbeat Hug to Soothe Tantrums — A Lifesaver for My Teen

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Recently, I stumbled upon a video on social media that had me longing for the early days of parenting. It featured a toddler in the midst of a massive meltdown — the kind that makes you wince just listening to it. The child was screaming with such intensity that it seemed impossible they weren’t hurting themselves.

In the video, the father, Mark Johnson, sat quietly next to his son, merely witnessing the chaos. As the clip progressed, the child eventually crawled into his father’s embrace, melting into the comfort he desperately needed but couldn’t articulate. Even amid the distressing screams, that heartwarming hug was everything. The message was loud and clear: no matter what, I’m here for you. This unconditional love and support is exactly what every child deserves.

I’ve never been as composed as Mark in those moments of crisis, but I discovered a technique I like to call the “heartbeat hug,” which has proven invaluable in my parenting journey. However, watching the video also brought up feelings of guilt. With my oldest child, who is now almost 14, I struggled to embody that kind of patience. My first attempt at parenting was a bit chaotic, to say the least. I read countless parenting books, but as any seasoned parent will tell you, no amount of reading prepares you for the real-life challenges of raising kids.

During my son Alex’s tantrums, I often resorted to timeout or would snap at him to “just stop crying.” It wasn’t until he turned six, and I had a two-year-old daughter named Lily, that I learned the power of simply being present. A friend who was a psychologist introduced me to the idea of hugging children during their emotional outbursts instead of scolding them. She shared articles explaining how physical closeness can synchronize heartbeats and breathing patterns. I was awestruck by her patience.

From that moment on, I changed my approach. When either of my children was upset, instead of reacting with frustration, I’d ask if they wanted a hug. If they agreed — which they usually did — I’d invite them to rest their heads on my chest and listen to my heartbeat. This simple act worked wonders. It distracted them from their crying, and the steady rhythm of my heartbeat helped calm them down.

Though my teenage son has outgrown the epic meltdowns, I still adapt this technique to meet his needs. When I feel the urge to point out that his frustrations may be exaggerated, I remind myself of my own teenage emotions, which often felt overwhelming. Sometimes, just a long hug is enough to soothe him and prevent me from reacting in frustration.

Parenting is undeniably challenging, especially when trying to remain calm during a child’s emotional eruption. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, especially when sleep-deprived and dealing with the chaotic energy of a toddler. But we all strive to do our best. We may not embody the patience of the father in that video — though I imagine he has his moments, too — but we learn and grow alongside our children.

The heartwarming truth is that we adapt, sometimes stumbling, sometimes succeeding, and occasionally finding our own unique strategies that resonate with our kids. Techniques like the heartbeat hug can be a game-changer.

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In summary, the “heartbeat hug” not only helps soothe tantrums but also fosters a deeper emotional connection between parent and child, creating a safe space for expressing feelings throughout the different stages of growth.

Keyphrase: Heartbeat hug for tantrums

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