This past weekend was the Thanksgiving holiday, and I found myself feeling a mix of sadness and irritability for about 12 long hours. Surprisingly, it wasn’t due to the usual holiday stressors. Thanksgiving itself was pleasant—I enjoyed the company of my extended family, my kids behaved reasonably well, and I avoided the chaos of holiday traffic. I even had the luxury of not having to cook or clean, and there were no hormonal fluctuations to blame.
So, what was the issue? After a particularly cranky evening and a morning filled with snappy comments directed at my husband and kids, the realization hit me: I hadn’t done a single thing for myself all weekend.
Leading up to Thanksgiving, I had hustled to ensure all my work tasks were completed, allowing me to relax and spend quality time with my family. After the festivities, I made a detailed list of everything everyone wanted to do and meticulously organized our days to fit it all in.
I scheduled a family outing to pick out our Christmas tree and new holiday decorations. I even planned a movie day, researching theaters that were showing all the films my kids were excited to see so we could split up and satisfy everyone’s preferences. I tackled my online holiday shopping like a pro on Black Friday, checking off items from my kids’ elaborate wish lists. I even carved out time for a date night with my partner.
Yet, amid all this planning, I completely overlooked my own needs.
As is often the case for many mothers, this behavior is all too familiar to me. My instinct is to prioritize everyone else’s needs and hope that mine will somehow be met—perhaps through osmosis.
But I know from experience that this approach is a recipe for disappointment. Opportunities for self-care don’t just magically appear; they require proactive planning. Yet, I find it so much easier to map out plans for others rather than myself. Why is that? Is it societal conditioning? Is it because I grew up playing the caregiver role in my family? Is it just the way things are?
Whatever the reason, it feels ingrained in me, almost impossible to shake off. It’s challenging to assert, “I worked hard for this holiday weekend, and I deserve an afternoon to indulge in my own desires.” It’s both absurd and deeply sad that it’s so hard to make that declaration.
However, after wrestling with that heavy wave of discontent for half a day, I had a small epiphany. It might sound cliché, but here it is: I MATTER. Yes, I matter. And that’s a complete thought.
Taking a few hours for myself—even during our family’s busiest times—matters just as much as meeting everyone else’s desires. It’s not just about the saying that you can’t pour from an empty cup; that suggests I should only focus on self-care to be a better mom and wife. But why should my happiness depend on how it affects others? Isn’t my joy inherently valuable? It absolutely should be.
So, after that gloomy night and cranky morning, I told my partner to take the kids out for the afternoon. I dedicated that time to doing what I love: curling up in bed with a good book and writing poetry, which brings me immense joy. I savored every moment, sipping peppermint tea without a hint of guilt. And let me tell you, it felt incredible.
From now on, I’m committed to carving out time for myself. I refuse to keep my dreams and passions on hold. I’m done prioritizing everyone else’s wants over my own. This not only neglects my need for personal fulfillment but also my desire for joy.
For me, as a natural introvert, putting myself first means enjoying a peaceful afternoon with my poems. For you, it could mean signing up for that dance class you’ve been eyeing, booking a solo getaway with friends, or spending a day exploring bookstores in the city. Maybe it’s time to revisit that crafting project you shelved.
Whatever it is, pursue it now. Don’t overthink it or analyze its benefits for others. Just do it because it brings you joy. Why deny yourself something so essential—so human—as pleasure? You deserve it.
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In summary, it’s time to stop putting ourselves last. We all deserve to prioritize our own happiness and fulfillment just as much as we do for those we love.
Keyphrase: prioritizing self-care
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