Before my mom passed away, during her struggle with illness, I had a poignant moment while dropping my son off at daycare. A little boy, no older than three, was being left by his mother, and he was in complete distress.
“I want my mom! I want my mom to come back!” he cried out, tears streaming down his face. His sorrow was raw and real, far from the typical tantrums I’d witnessed. This child was genuinely heartbroken, yearning for his mother’s presence.
In that moment, I felt a profound connection to his pain. My own mother was facing terminal cancer, and I was grappling with the thought of a world where she might not return. I saw myself in that child, sobbing for my own mother, feeling utterly vulnerable as if the world around me was collapsing. I understood that primal fear of losing someone so dear.
Now, over three years since her passing, I’ve navigated countless firsts without her. I’ve welcomed two more children into my family, who will never experience the holidays with their grandmother.
They’ll never know the delightful aroma of her turkey roasting in the oven or the taste of her special holiday crescent rolls stuffed with sausage. They’ll miss out on her festive punch made with rainbow sherbet and the joy of unwrapping stockings filled with treasures from grandma. My mother had an extraordinary talent for making every gathering feel like home.
As the holiday season approaches, her absence is felt more intensely than ever. If you’ve lost a parent, you may relate to this ache. Sometimes, the void feels like a dull haze – the once vibrant excitement of putting up Christmas decorations is now muted. Other times, the grief is a sharp pain, too overwhelming to confront directly. I find myself looking away, unable to face it head-on, but still pushing through for the sake of my children.
For the past few years, I’ve struggled to uphold traditions that are intertwined with the memory of my mother. How can festivities feel right without her? Honestly, they don’t. Perhaps that will change with time, but for now, I feel that loss acutely.
My mother adored Christmas. Her collection of Santas adorned her home year-round, and I’ve kept one of them hanging by my front door as a constant reminder of her spirit.
This year, however, my family and I are trying something new for Thanksgiving. My father, sister, and I, along with our families, will gather at my aunt’s house. It’s a different experience than what we’ve had in the past, but it feels appropriate this year. It’s not yet a tradition, but perhaps it will become one as we create new memories together.
My aunt has recently become a foster mother, and her young foster son will be spending his first holiday with us. I can only imagine the emotions he might be feeling, just as I do. Many people can relate to this feeling of longing for someone special during the holidays.
If you find yourself missing a loved one this season, it’s completely normal to feel that dull ache. It’s okay to look away from the pain when it feels too intense. You’ll turn back when you’re ready to face it again. And when that time comes, you can ponder what new traditions you might want to establish moving forward.
If you resonate with the little boy in the daycare, longing for his mother, know that you’re not alone. Many of us share this experience.
This article was originally published on November 25, 2019.
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In summary, the holiday season can be particularly challenging for those who have lost a loved one. Navigating traditions and creating new memories while grappling with grief is a delicate balance, but it’s important to embrace the journey as we find ways to honor the ones we miss.
Keyphrase: Navigating the Holidays After Losing Your Mother
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