As a parent, I often find myself questioning my choices. Am I doing this right? Am I ensuring my children feel supported and loved? The truth is, most of us grapple with these doubts. Even fewer of us can claim to have had perfect role models in our own parents. Most parents, including myself, have vowed to do things differently.
In my case, I had examples—my parents exemplified what not to do when raising children. From a young age, I felt an unsettling truth: my arrival was more of an inconvenience than a joy for them. I came into a world where their relationship was already strained, and the message I absorbed was one of unworthiness, despite the hugs and “I love yous” I received. To my young mind, love felt obligatory, akin to a resigned “We’re stuck with each other.”
My parents’ marriage ended when I was in kindergarten, and I witnessed the chaos that ensued. They were never the picture-perfect couple; instead, their arguments were frequent and loud. I learned to mimic this dysfunction in my playtime scenarios, thinking yelling was the norm in family dynamics. Ironically, their divorce was one of the few things they managed to get right.
After the split, my mother gained custody, while my father’s involvement was sporadic at best. His attempts to assert his parental rights often felt half-hearted, leading to frustration and resentment from my mother. She was under immense pressure, trying to raise three children while recovering from the financial mess my father had left her in. Her anger often spilled over onto me, a pain I understood too well.
I won’t deny that parenting is challenging. I’ve lost my temper with my kids and have had moments of regret that make me cringe. But I’ve learned from my past. I know the pain a child feels when they’re berated for being difficult or told that they are unloved. Such experiences foster feelings of shame and isolation, feelings I refuse to inflict on my own children.
My parents taught me invaluable lessons about love and responsibility. The key takeaway? Love your children and ensure they feel it. It’s that simple.
No matter what chaos brews in my life, I prioritize showing my kids that they are cherished and wanted. I express my unconditional love daily, reminding them through words and actions. I want them to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that my love isn’t conditional or obligatory; it is genuine and joyful. I am grateful to be their mother, and I strive to eliminate any uncertainty about my love for them.
In the end, it’s about creating a nurturing environment where love prevails over obligation. If you’re looking for more insights on family planning, check out this excellent resource on various family-building options here. Additionally, if you’re curious about home insemination, consider exploring options like the Cryobaby Home Insemination Kit for your journey. For more in-depth discussions on parenting, visit Modern Family Blog.