I live with bipolar disorder type 2. In simpler terms, my mind sometimes feels like it’s malfunctioning. During childhood, this condition manifested as intense anxiety and deep depression. I was that kid biting her nails until they bled before a test, crying unexpectedly, or feeling utterly alone even when surrounded by peers. Unfortunately, I didn’t receive much assistance, and what I did receive often came in the form of what we now call “toxic positivity.”
Psychology Today defines toxic positivity as the belief that one must only maintain a positive mindset, dismissing any negative emotions as unworthy of attention. Whitney James, a renowned therapist from Miami, recently highlighted how we can replace damaging phrases of toxic positivity with more supportive alternatives.
As a child, I heard these phrases frequently. Statements like “You’ll get over it!” or “Things could be worse!” did nothing to alleviate my struggles; they only amplified my feelings of isolation and shame. According to Psychology Today, ignoring negative emotions can make them fester, ultimately leading to an even greater emotional burden. When you’re grappling with mental illness, it’s easy to feel unheard and guilty, especially when others can seemingly move past their problems with ease.
Children often lack the capacity to process these feelings as adults might. This is particularly concerning because adults can unintentionally perpetuate harm to one another through these well-meaning but misguided statements. Mental illness often involves a struggle to think clearly, making it difficult to escape it through sheer willpower alone. While cognitive behavioral therapy can help some individuals, the approach doesn’t work for everyone—especially for those with bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, where success rates are lower (as reported in Cognitive Therapy Research).
Simply telling someone with anxiety to adopt a “good vibes only” mentality is not only unhelpful but can also make them feel inadequate. Your ability to embrace positivity does not mean they can too—their brains don’t function that way.
Toxic positivity feeds into the cycle of blame and shame associated with mental illness. When we suggest that someone simply “be positive,” we imply that they could overcome their struggles if they just tried harder. This notion places the burden of their illness on them, suggesting that they are somehow morally inferior for not being able to cope as easily as others. That’s just plain wrong.
Instead, Whitney recommends reframing these conversations. Instead of saying, “Just be positive!” you might say, “I see you’re facing a lot. What are some things that could go right?” This approach acknowledges their feelings and helps them believe that they are not alone in their struggle.
Another harmful phrase often tossed around is, “Everything happens for a reason!” This concept implies that life is just and fair, which can feel incredibly invalidating to someone grappling with mental health issues. Life does not always make sense, and suggesting that it does only adds to the burden of those who can’t trust their own thoughts. We’re not looking for a participation trophy; we want validation. As Whitney aptly puts it, “Life is chaotic, and that’s okay.”
And please, never tell someone to “just get over it.” Mental health issues don’t work that way. Telling someone to simply “get over” anxiety or panic attacks overlooks the complexity of their experience. It’s not about trying harder; it’s about navigating a challenging reality.
Instead of falling into the trap of toxic positivity, consider saying, “This is tough. You’ve faced challenges before, and I believe you can do it again.” This statement validates their experience while also instilling a sense of hope without pressuring them to feel or act a certain way.
Yes, your intentions may be good. But if you truly want to support those with mental health challenges, take a moment to reflect on Whitney’s suggestions. Familiarize yourself with these affirming phrases and use them in your conversations. If you’re close to someone with mental illness, consider keeping a list handy as a reminder to steer clear of toxic positivity. Only by breaking this damaging cycle can we foster an environment where everyone feels supported and empowered to seek wellness.
So, let go of the “good vibes only” mindset. In this space, as Whitney says, “All emotions are welcome.”
For more on navigating mental health, check out our related blog post here. If you’re exploring options for home insemination, resources like Make a Mom can provide valuable information, and Healthline is an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
Toxic positivity can be detrimental to those struggling with mental illness, as it invalidates their feelings and reinforces shame. Instead of offering platitudes, we should acknowledge the difficulties they face while providing support and understanding. By shifting our language and being more mindful, we can create a more inclusive environment that fosters healing and hope.
Keyphrase: toxic positivity and mental illness
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]