As the season for parent-teacher conferences rolls around, I find myself in conversations that make my heart race. The teacher begins, “Your child’s grade is ____ because….” At that moment, I might feel a swell of pride or a twinge of concern. But when they ask if I’ve been checking the online grade portal, I’m met with a moment of disbelief when I respond, “No, I haven’t looked at all.”
In these instances, teachers often express gratitude for my hands-off approach, appreciating that my kids’ grades reflect their own efforts rather than my nagging. This perspective comes from my 18 years of experience working in public schools; I’ve learned that fostering independence is the best way to help my kids succeed.
I recall a recent basketball game where other parents were buzzing about a project due for their sixth graders. When I mentioned I hadn’t heard about it, they were shocked. “You haven’t checked online?” they asked. I simply replied, “It’s not my project.” Their astonishment was palpable. Of course, I care about my child’s grades, but I want them to earn those grades on their own.
My sixth-grade son, who is academically gifted, received a D in his advanced math class during the first quarter, alongside a few Cs and several Bs. I knew it wouldn’t end well because he hadn’t even brought home a backpack. I could have easily monitored him, but I chose not to. Those grades were his to earn, and I wanted him to understand the consequences of his choices.
When the report card came, I discovered that his teachers had provided him with multiple opportunities to submit his homework. He didn’t take advantage of them, and he earned the grades he deserved. Now, I’ll step in with more guidance for the next quarter, but ultimately, he needs to find his intrinsic motivation.
If you’re constantly asking your child if they completed their homework or checking online for grades, you’re inadvertently creating dependence. Educators can spot this cue dependence easily; your child’s grades will reflect your involvement more than their actual abilities. Embrace the chaos of middle school; it’s a crucial time for them to learn what works and what doesn’t.
My freshman son managed to earn straight A’s in high school without my constant oversight. I didn’t check his grades online; I simply waited for the report card. In middle school, he had his share of less-than-stellar quarters, but he learned valuable lessons along the way.
It’s time to let go. Your child is an individual, and their academic journey is theirs alone. If you stop emailing teachers about grades and let your child take responsibility, they’ll start to engage more with their education. They might even remember details discussed in class instead of waiting for you to handle it.
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In summary, it’s essential to allow your children to take charge of their education. Their grades are a reflection of their efforts, not yours. Let them learn the value of independence, and you’ll ultimately help them grow into self-motivated individuals.
Keyphrase: Parenting and Independence in Education
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