There are moments when I come across something in the news so shocking that I have to step away from my screen to avoid breaking something valuable, like my laptop or phone. Today, that moment arrived thanks to actor and rapper T.J. boasting about accompanying his 18-year-old daughter to her gynecologist appointments to check if her hymen remains intact. Yes, you read that right.
T.J. is quite proud of this practice and shared it openly during an interview on the podcast, Ladies Like Us, hosted by two individuals, Naz and Nadia. He explained that he attends his daughter’s yearly gynecological check-ups to ensure her hymen is “still intact.”
He even remarked, “So we’ll go and sit down, and the doctor comes to talk, and the doctor’s maintaining a high level of professionalism.” To which I say, good for them; that’s their job.
After mentioning how the doctor requires his daughter’s consent to share any medical details, T.J. said, “I’m like, ‘Deyjah, they want you to sign this so we can share information. Is there anything you would not want me to know? See, Doc? Ain’t no problem.’”
Let’s be clear: this is not a healthy conversation about bodily autonomy. It’s demeaning and manipulative. His daughter is not truly being given a choice here. The idea of “my body, my choice” is nowhere to be found. This man seems to revel in humiliating his daughter, instilling in her the belief that her father has a say in her sexual choices.
And remember, she’s 18—a legal adult. Regardless of age, this behavior is toxic and infuriating. As a mother of a teenage daughter, I can’t fathom if her father even suggested going to the doctor with her to discuss her virginity. I’d make it abundantly clear that such emotional manipulation would never be tolerated.
Why would anyone want to inflict psychological harm on their own child by making them feel like property? No matter the age, a parent does not own their child’s body or sexuality. Purity culture is damaging and leads to situations like this. You don’t accompany your child into an examination room to demand proof of their virginity.
Open dialogues about sex are essential. Parents should answer questions and teach their children about consent and respect. But there’s a line that should never be crossed: invading a child’s privacy or treating them as if their body is a possession to be inspected.
To make matters worse, T.J. seems oblivious to the fact that a hymen can tear for numerous reasons—riding a bike, horseback riding, or even using tampons. It’s time to educate yourself, T.J., rather than boast about your misguided sense of control over your daughter’s body.
Treat your daughter as the incredible individual she is. Engage with her respectfully, understanding that her body belongs to her, not to you.
Honestly, if I were in her shoes, I’d be outraged. This kind of behavior sets a terrible example and could lead to long-lasting trauma. Have you thought about how this impacts her self-esteem and future relationships? Probably not, given your evident detachment from reality.
It’s astonishing that you’d share this on a podcast, thinking anyone would find this acceptable. The entitlement here is staggering and frankly nauseating. This isn’t how you show trust and respect to your own child.
As a final note, I’d recommend you take a step back and reconsider your approach before causing irreversible harm to your daughter’s mental health.
If you’re looking for more on navigating these sensitive topics, check out this informative blog post. Additionally, for anyone interested in the science of fertility, you might find this resource on IVF helpful.
In summary, parental control over a child’s body is never acceptable. Open conversations about sexuality and consent should replace invasive practices that can lead to psychological harm.
Keyphrase: parental control over daughter’s body
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