Yesterday, my son returned from preschool with a noticeable bite mark on his arm, and here’s how I handled it: I did nothing.
His arm was bandaged, he was grinning ear to ear—I even signed an incident report that noted he didn’t shed a tear at the time. I trust his teachers to manage the situation appropriately with the other child involved.
Should I feel upset even if he’s not? Not at all. Is it necessary to blame the other child or their parents? Absolutely not. The reality is that kids are wonderfully unpredictable beings. When they stray from our expectations of good behavior and resort to biting, I’ve learned it’s more effective to approach the situation relationally rather than reactively. This means focusing on how to connect with the other party rather than simply responding with anger or frustration.
As long as the adults—parents and teachers—are addressing the behavior and guiding the child towards better alternatives, then my son is simply a participant in another child’s learning journey. And honestly, that’s easy to accept because all children are in the process of learning, myself included, and that requires a degree of empathy. I never want my son to get hurt, but I also recognize that we are nurturing kids who have their own thoughts, feelings, and sometimes, their own mistakes to work through.
Not every child is a biter or a hitter, but I can’t think of a single one who hasn’t needed guidance, whether it’s learning not to throw food off their tray or how to clean up after themselves. Our shared goal is to raise better individuals, so in situations like these, blame doesn’t serve any purpose.
To the parents of the child who bit my son: it’s alright, your child is learning. They are doing their best, as are you. My son may have taken the brunt of this incident, but he has also been the one pushing other kids in the past. I remember how disheartening that felt—wanting to control my child’s undesirable actions—and I would have cherished just one parent looking at me and saying, “I’ve experienced that too. It’s okay.”
So, to the parents of the child who bit mine: it’s alright, your child is on a learning path. This wasn’t bullying; it was simply a three-year-old expressing frustration in a way they could manage. It’s a learning curve. And while your child grows, my son has had a chance to grow, too. Six months ago, he might have retaliated; now, he simply accepted it and continued playing.
He’s perfectly fine—and your little one will be too. We’re all in this together.
Warm regards,
A Mom Who Understands
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Summary: When my son came home from preschool with a bite mark, I chose to respond with understanding rather than anger. Recognizing that children are learning and growing, I refuse to blame others. Instead, I empathize with the parents involved, knowing we all face similar challenges in parenting.
Keyphrase: dealing with preschool conflicts
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