Recently, my 8-year-old son, Alex, unbuttoned his new short-sleeved shirt meant for his Halloween costume, leaving it wide open to reveal his bare chest. As he admired himself in the mirror, he exclaimed, “I feel just like those pride boys!” It took me a moment to understand he was referencing the vibrant individuals we see at Pride events, many of whom proudly display their bodies, often adorned with nothing but a rainbow flag draped across their chests. These events celebrate authenticity and transition, a sentiment that can be hard to find in everyday life. As a transgender parent, this resonates deeply with me.
“One day, I’ll be able to do that too,” I replied.
“Mama! Isn’t that going to be strange?” he said, scrunching his nose, though without malice.
My transition is a personal journey, one that doesn’t require anyone’s validation, but the support of my children is invaluable. While my transgender identity isn’t their narrative, it undeniably shapes their experience. As we navigate this path—sometimes in tandem, other times diverging—there are lessons to be learned along the way. This was one of those moments.
“Once I have my top surgery and no longer have breasts, I can totally show off my chest,” I explained.
He remained skeptical, so I reassured him, acknowledging his concerns. My scars from a double incision mastectomy, which are meant to create a masculine chest, will indeed be new and take time to get used to. Alex is also aware that some people still perceive me as female, and he understands the societal expectations that suggest girls shouldn’t show their chests. I told him that there’s nothing shameful about having breasts; the idea of hiding them stems from outdated societal norms.
While he didn’t seem entirely comfortable with it all, he was open and willing to learn. The same can be said for my other two children when I came out as nonbinary. For years, I questioned whether I was a transgender man, but that didn’t quite fit either. Learning about the term nonbinary helped me realize I’m a blend of both male and female. I kindly ask my children and everyone else to use they/them pronouns when referring to me.
Coming out as nonbinary came later in life for me—at 39, to be exact. It’s never too late to embrace one’s true self and live authentically, but after nearly four decades of being recognized as a woman, the transition felt daunting. I had three kids who called me Mama, and any changes I made would impact their lives as well.
They have shown remarkable understanding throughout this process. However, having an openly transgender parent means they too must navigate a world where they need to advocate for my identity. They correct friends and teachers who misgender me, but I don’t expect them to take on heavy emotional labor. I remind them to avoid slipping back into using female pronouns, particularly around others.
Adjusting to my pronouns has taken some practice, but they’re getting better at it. When I first transitioned, my kids asked if they could still call me Mama. I needed them to accept me while reassuring them that I would always be their mom.
Words like Mama are often seen as feminine, but despite my name being traditionally female, I identify as a masculine presenting nonbinary person. Hearing my children call me Mama is a term of endearment that reflects the profound role I play in their lives. It brings me joy, even if sometimes it prompts an urge to hide when I hear one of them shout, “Mama!”
“Can you remind me when you’re having your breasts removed?” Alex asked.
“October 29th,” I replied.
“We should throw a Boob Voyage party!” he suggested.
“That sounds like a fantastic idea.”
“And don’t forget about making little pillows out of them!” he added excitedly.
“Noted,” I chuckled.
There is no singular way to transition, and being transgender doesn’t hinge on social or medical milestones. My journey involves both, and naturally, it affects my kids too. I often reflect on these conversations regarding pronouns, labels, and surgery. Surprisingly, despite my initial fears of overwhelming them, it has been a journey filled with normalcy and celebration. After all, who wouldn’t want a boob pillow?
In the end, we’re all adjusting just fine. My transition to a happier self benefits not just me but my entire family.
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Summary: As a transgender parent navigating my transition, I’ve found that open communication with my children is essential. Their understanding and support have made the journey smoother, even as we face societal challenges. Embracing my identity has been a collective experience for our family, filled with moments of humor, love, and learning.
Keyphrase: navigating transgender parenthood
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