Parenting
My Son Was Expelled from Kindergarten
by Jamie Thompson
Updated: Sep. 28, 2020
Originally Published: Oct. 24, 2019
Just 24 days. That’s how long my five-year-old son, Max, spent in kindergarten before the school decided to kick him out. He was frequently hitting, kicking, and even spitting on his classmates — a daily occurrence that understandably upset his peers and their parents. The teacher had reached her limit, we were told.
“We want him to thrive,” the administration expressed to my partner and me. “But we don’t believe this environment is conducive to his success.”
We enrolled Max in a private school, aware of his potential ADHD symptoms. He had displayed aggressive behavior and trouble focusing in pre-K, but after eight weeks of intensive collaboration with educators, specialists, and a supportive preschool director, we managed to see some improvement. We hoped that kindergarten would be a smooth transition, thanks to this school’s lower student-teacher ratio, which we thought would provide the individualized attention he needed during this critical phase.
Aggressive behavior in young children is not out of the ordinary. Often, it stems from a slower development of impulse control rather than trauma or neglect, as media narratives tend to suggest. Psych Central notes that “Overly aggressive children display less mature nervous systems than their peers, leading to challenges with self-regulation. Once they’re excited or upset, they struggle to regain control.”
I refuse to lose hope for Max. My hope is that society will mirror this sentiment.
Despite recognizing that aggression in young children can be quite common, I took Max’s actions seriously. Every day, as I dropped him off at school, I whispered a prayer. I prayed that our talks about kindness would resonate with him. I hoped he would remember to “stop and take a deep breath” when faced with frustration, just as we practiced. Above all, I prayed that no one would get hurt that day.
Behind the scenes, we were busy implementing strategies to help Max. A behavior specialist was regularly observing him at school. My partner and I were diligently reading recommended resources and trying out various techniques. We even consulted a doctor who indicated that Max was too young for a formal diagnosis but was exhibiting signs of ADHD.
Regardless of our efforts, on day 24, we received the call to pick up Max, along with all his belongings. As he said goodbye, nearly all his classmates gathered to give him a heartfelt group hug — a moment that nearly brought me to tears.
The very next day, we enrolled him in our zoned public school, preparing to address the same issues in a new environment. I signed up for in-depth training with a behavior expert who charges $350 per hour. Additionally, my partner and I registered for a free parenting class offered by the school district focused on managing challenging behaviors.
I was taken aback by how ill-equipped — or perhaps indifferent — the private school was in handling behavioral issues. It astonished me how easily they chose to give up on a five-year-old. Most importantly, my heart aches for parents who lack the financial means, time, or privilege to access specialized support that we, as a middle-class family, can afford. What becomes of those children? Where will they find the help they desperately need?
Our society still has a long way to go regarding child development. Kindergarten should be a nurturing environment for every child. I take Max’s behavioral challenges very seriously, but I am equally determined to support him in overcoming them.
I will never give up on him. My hope is that the world will share this commitment too.
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In summary, my son’s brief stint in kindergarten ended abruptly due to behavioral issues. Despite our proactive measures and a strong support system, the school chose to expel him rather than provide the necessary assistance. We have since transitioned to a different school, determined to confront the same challenges in a more supportive environment while advocating for all children who might not have the same resources.
Keyphrase: kindergarten behavioral issues
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