As you enthusiastically detailed the virtues of incorporating finely diced onion into egg salad last night, it hit me that our definitions of valuable conversation differ significantly. With my work commitments clocking in at over 40 hours per week—most days consumed by responsibilities—I can hardly find time to socialize, wash my face, or even take a bathroom break without our child’s constant supervision and demands. After spending an hour settling her to sleep each night, I’m left with just a few fleeting hours before I have to hit the hay. Therefore, it’s time we discuss what I like to call the ECONOMY OF CONVERSATION. I adore you and genuinely enjoy our chats, but I simply cannot engage in discussions that hold no interest for me.
I’d like to gently remind you of that article I sent about the mental load and how the uneven sharing of emotional labor is increasingly straining marriages across the nation. You likely don’t recall it since it seems you’ve overlooked reading it, despite my sending it your way multiple times. I’ll be forwarding it again tonight. Part of managing the mental load involves engaging with this information, but I wouldn’t want to presume you’d know that.
Topics to Consider Off-Limits
Without further ado, here are some topics that should now be considered off-limits, with the understanding that I may add to this list:
- EGG SALAD — We’re done here. I’m proud of your culinary skills, but I’ve absorbed all there is to know about egg salad and your complex feelings about mayo-based dishes. Discussions about tuna salad are also off the table. Honestly, it’s not particularly intriguing that I enjoy crunchy tuna salad while you prefer it the other way around. Moreover, any talk of mustard—be it spicy, yellow, or Dijon—has reached its expiration date.
- BOWEL MOVEMENTS — This is a hard stop. Unless there’s a genuine health EMERGENCY, I’m not interested in hearing about any of our bowel-related experiences. I don’t want to know the details regarding color or consistency. I’ve never had an interest in this topic, and I don’t expect that to change. I love you, but please READ THE ARTICLE.
- LEBRON JAMES — While I acknowledge his talent, I’ve hit my limit on conversations about him. As for the PLAYOFFS—consider that a closed chapter. I’m only capable of handling one sports-related discussion, and you’ve already chosen college basketball as your focus. Should you wish to switch your preferred sports topic, kindly submit a written request, and I’ll review it after you’ve READ THE EMOTIONAL LABOR ARTICLE.
- ROCKY BALBOA — I know this will sting. We’ve covered this territory before, including CREED. I’m aware of your enthusiasm for these films, but I’d prefer not to revisit Sylvester Stallone’s achievements every couple of months.
- SCRATCHING YOURSELF — I’m sorry if I’ve given you the impression that I want to know about this. Honestly, I’d prefer to stop witnessing it altogether, but I realize that’s a hefty request—much like asking you to READ THE ARTICLE.
In conclusion, let me reiterate that this list is merely the beginning. If you have questions or concerns, please direct them to anyone other than me. For further reading on related topics, you can check out this insightful piece on mental load and see Fertility Booster for Men for additional information. Also, for a comprehensive overview of pregnancy, visit Womens Health.
Forever yours,
Your Wife